Jumbleberry Orchard

Happiness in a Pillow Case

2012-02-10T21:27:00.000Z

I'm a true believer in happiness. Having had my own fair share of downs, I realized quite prematurely that happiness is something you create around you, something to carry in your pocket, and is not by any means an end-state. Happiness is not a thing to be achieved, there is no certificate to say "Congratulations, you've done it!"; it's dynamic, to-ing and fro-ing throughout life, dependant very much on state of mind at any one time.

I'm struggling a bit with my happiness levels at the moment, for some reason. I'm nervous about up-coming challenges, anxious about big commitments, and consequently I've been walking around in a blue-grey haze, seeing and feeling a little less clearly than I would like to.

So, I took it upon myself to think of a few simple things that bring me genuine happiness. Things that I can achieve every day, that will contribute to the general level of joy within me. Once I started thinking of things I couldn't stop; finding happiness in the smallest things is infections, and it's something I've made a habit of for a while.

Happiness Found Around the House

Listening to the radio while eating breakfast quietly with Daniel - my favourite time of day, which we never rush.

Keeping the house tidy - even putting laundry away and paring socks (which I hate!) contributes to my general levels of wellbeing. Happiness comes more easily when there are no socks to match up.

Chopping vegetables - sometimes just preparing a healthy meal helps to boost my mood. Enjoying the colours and the smells of the food I'm preparing, and of course the prospect of eating it, is all part of the mealtime pleasure.

A hot shower - I could spend forever in the shower, and I think Daniel sometimes worries that one day I might (we're on a meter). Some favourite soap and delicious hot water can quite literally wash the blues away!

A quiet cup of tea - forever the solution, but sitting quietly with a cup of tea, thinking of nothing in particular, is a wonderful way to clear the mind and take some time for yourself.

A good stretch - does anything feel better than a really good stretch? In the morning, at work, while cooking, waiting for the bus, before bed: this little trick is a portable solution to relieve the blues!

A lovely made bed, ready for some sleeping - tempting at all times of day, but the promise of a cosy night's sleep is a great therapy, even in the morning before leaving for work!

Do you have any simple tips for promoting happiness? Please do share!

Note To Self.

2012-02-08T20:52:00.002Z

Note to self.

Everything doesn't have to happen all at once. Be more patient; enjoy the big changes one at a time.

There are some things you just don't like. Maybe it's time to stop trying to like them?

You don't need to fit into those jeans anymore. Remember: jeans that are baggy now were once tight, and before that you didn't even dare try on a pair of jeans! Your perceptions might have changed over time, but your huge achievements will always remain.

Friends always cheer you up. Talk to friends more.

Get to the pharmacy and fix your dry skin. Small errands can make a massive difference!

Eat more fresh spinach. Life is too short for frozen spinach.

Dreams do actuallycome true. The proof is in that man making you chamomile tea in his dressing gown over there.

Fitting in would mean selling out. Stick with who you are - the people you love the most like you that way.

Eat more slowly and enjoy mealtime conversations. Those are always the most precious moments in the day.

Write more - you love to write. Preferably with a hot chocolate or a cinnamon bun. Or both.

Snowed In

2012-02-05T12:53:00.000Z

After a day spent walking around in the cold yesterday, today I am happy to let myself be snowed in.

A day spent in men's pyjamas, drinking fresh coffee and reading; the sort of Sunday that I allow in my daydreams, but which in reality often leaves me restless and annoyed at myself for missing out on the day. But today the world outside my window is shot in black and white, and however appealing fresh air and a stretch may be, I am tiring of the cold, and tiring of arriving home wet, numb and reluctant to be outside ever again.

For me, this sort of day takes practise. Practise at balancing indulgence with necessity. But the busier my weeks get and the less time I spend reading, writing and sitting with a mug of tea, the less reluctant I am to avoid these extremes of downtime. Tomorrow it will all begin again, and I'll be grateful for those chapters of my book which would have otherwise remained unread.

February

2012-02-01T20:29:00.002Z

January has come and gone, and what a January it has been! This year has been pretty massive so far - massively exciting in places, and massively difficult in others. It's also been massively windy and rainy, here in our hideout just East of the Pennines.

In the last 31 days things have changed like I never would have believed - two things in particular are really keeping me up in the air right now (more on that soon, I'm sure), and I've found that my mantra for the year - to make it awesome, that is - is really giving me a boost when times are just too tough.

In fact, I've already learned an important lesson from this; that unhappiness is an opportunity to change, and sometimes the darkest days are what it takes to make things better. There have been some dark days this January, but without them we wouldn't be considering the things we are considering now, or making the exciting plans that we are making.

So; 2012 so far has been a really positive one. I've made some positive personal changes, and realized some things about myself that are driving me forwards into a future I wasn't sure about only a month or so ago. I feel more considerate towards myself, and am enjoying sitting and relaxing in bed with a book on regular occasions. I have flossed almost every day, my yoga practise is getting deeper and more meaningful (we did meditation in last week's class, which was amazing), and I am writing in my diary a few times a week, to the detriment of my blog, but I'm ok with that.

January led me to decide what needed changing, and to make some baby steps towards those changes; now I want to make sure that the changes are established and nurtured throughout February. Hopefully the days will get longer and warmer soon, and the world will feel a little fresher and a little less grey, but until then I am happy to cosy up in our flat with Daniel, reading like crazy, writing down thoughts rather unartistically in my diary, and enjoying yoga, running and flute lessons as pendulums in my week.

In February I intend to get earlier nights and earlier mornings, spend more time enjoying my breakfast and less time worrying about getting to work early, and start to focus on one thing at a time. I find myself doing a whole collection of things in one go (tonight I cooked tea, checked my emails, made tomorrow's lunch and wrote part of this blog post all at the same time); I want to focus my energy on one thing at a time, whether that be washing tomatoes, sending a quick hello to an old tutor, or spending time with Daniel, catching up on our days. Things always seem blurry when I don't focus my attention fully towards one task, and it makes me edgy and uncomfortable.

So there we have it. A simple, good February, with plenty of quiet time and plenty of focus. Normally I dislike this blueish-grey month, and wish it gone before it's even here, but what a negative way to look at it that is. We have been blessed with an extra day in 2012, and that's one extra day to direct life onto a fresh course; one extra day to make the year something special.

Awesome 2012: Brass Monkey Half Marathon

2012-01-23T18:44:00.004Z

Yesterday saw in the first really awesome thing in my awesome 2012.

I had been training for weeks and weeks for the York Brass Monkey - a notoriously fast and flat half marathon which for many people is the first big running event of the year. I did it last year and hated it (I hadn't trained much, at all), but then got to know the route rather intimately during our twice-a-week cycling speed sessions, when we would pedal as fast as we could around this course.

So, the training. I really wanted to beat 2 hours in this run; out of all the races I've done, this course is the best bet at a good time, and running it in January means that the temperature will be on your side! I've put in weeks of long distances, between 12 and 16 miles every Saturday morning bar one since November, and have covered over 20 miles a week in total ever since.

But I lagged a lot on the speed training. I hate recovery runs (short sprints with jogging in between), and in all honesty, I only started adding this to my training..umm...5 days before the race...!

So, with that in mind and the fact that I'd have to increase my speed quite substantially, I wasn't wholly convinced that this would happen. Adding to that, the morning of the race came and the winds were disasterously heavy; as about 3 miles of the race crosses a disused airfield, it is always slightly windy on the route. This was going to be tough!

We got out of the car at York, and even walking to the loos was a battle in the bluster. I was pretty sure I didn't want to do it, and was feeling really quite down in the dumps about it all. It was going to be a hellish more-than-two-hours, I knew that much!

The race started right on time - I had to hand my Soreen over to Daniel to finish as I was a bit tardy in my preperations! And we were off! Usually I take it steady for the first couple of miles, but in this case I knew I could push it - I ran 16 miles comfortably 3 weeks ago for goodness sake - and so I did. A couple of miles in and I was way ahead of my ususal pace, and feeling really good. My nerves had disappeared, I felt strong and my energy levels were sky-high. The wind was rallying around us in all directions, so apart from the howling in my ears, even that wasn't such an issue. The sky was blue, I was doing what I love in a city that I love, and I was overtaking other runners by the second.

And then we hit the airfield. Every time I ran forwards I was pushed by the gale into the side of the road. I was running in zig-zag, battling painfully to move both forwards and sidewards at the same time. Energy expenditure doubled, and I pushed and pushed, very slowly, for a good couple of miles. I knew a corner was coming up, and once we got around there the winds died down. But I was tired and disheartened, and there was still 8 miles to go.

To cut a not-so-long story short, the wind blustered around every now and then for the rest of the race. There were moments when my legs were blown from under me as I ran, and points where the gaps between hedges made for sharp bursts of angry wind. But it was ok, I was ok, and despite my fear that the energy had been blown out of me not even halfway through, I found myself flying along, confident in my strengh and ability, for the first time ever.

9 miles, 10 miles, 11 miles the signs all read. 12 miles and I let out a rather aggressive "come on!!" - the home stretch, the glory mile, as I always call it. No matter what, I had to give 100%, and I did. I overtook more runners, trying to focus on getting ahead as oppose to getting quicker. The roadside crowds grew thicker and louder, "you look too fresh, you must be doing a different race!" one steward shouted at me, and I felt that amazing buzz that I have now enjoyed 11 times, but that never gets any less awesome or any less terrifying (I was very nearly sick in the last few metres of my last half marathon..!). I turned the corner towards the finish and looked out for my Dad and Daniel, concentrating on seeing them rather than the blurry finish line.

I saw Daniel click the camera, and I was accross, done! I didn't even care so much about the time - I knew it wasn't under 2 hours, but I was still proud of my efforts, and really pleased to have enjoyed the race as much as I did.

2 hours 5 minutes. A new personal best, and with the wind handicap I can see, for the first time, the possible reality of the under-2-hour mark. I'm getting better, and as I get better, I fall even more madly in love with racing and with running. There's going to be more of this in 2012, but this was a really really awesome start to the running calendar!

Winter Running

2012-01-21T22:26:00.000Z

I absolutely love running in winter. I love to see my breath cloud around me in great balls, the paths glistening underfoot, and the hills in the distance white with frost and snow. I run faster in winter; the warmth of spring and summer makes me too nervous to push myself hard, but in the chilly air I feel free and completely alive!

The best thing has been running on the fells in the recent frosts, where the world looks as if it's been painted in delicate white glitter. Running up the moorside is fine, and quite a sweaty job in all weathers, but once up on that moor, the weather is always at its worst, and winds, rain and frost can physically hurt! Did you know that runners age much more quickly than non-runners? All that harsh weather to the face doesn't do us many favours!

I've already talked about keeping fit in winter, and despite joining a running club and finding ways to exercise indoors, it can still be difficult to really feel comfortable when running outside in the cold. I've started to build up quite a high weekly mileage, as I've been training hard for a half marathon on Sunday (eeek!). At the same time I've been trying to really look after myself, by keeping limbered up, warm, nourished and hydrated!

Here are a few tips that I've learnt along the way - just in time for milder temperatures!

Wrap up, but not too much

I love to run with bare legs, and the shorter the shorts, the better! I do have lycra running trousers, but I only wear these in extremes of cold as I find them very restricting, and have been wearing mid-length lycra shorts during these colder months. As the legs do pretty much all of the work while running, they do stay warm quite nicely, and so long as you're well warmed up there should be no problem with getting too cold once you get going. Also, there's nothing more waterproof than skin - I wouldn't even consider anything other than shorts when running in rain. Soggy lycra from waist to ankle? No thanks!

The most important bits to keep warm are feet, hands and head. Ankle-length socks, light running gloves and a light wicking hat should do the trick nicely. I also read somewhere that it's good to fill your bottle with warm water, which will keep your hands warm while you get going - I haven't tried it, but still, a good idea!

So, usually it's shorts, a long-sleeved running top, hat, socks and gloves. But I also have a great fast-wicking mid-layer which ties easily around the waist, and a fluorescent waterproof - I only wear this in serious cold/winds, as it ends up a bit like a sauna in there!

Keep the skin protected

In an effort to protect my skin as much as possible from the weather, I basically add a whole new layer of blubber to my face before heading off on a run. Baby Bottom Butter from Waitrose is fantastic for this (it's lovely as a night time moisturiser, too), as it basically coats the skin in olive oil, keeping it moist as well as protected from any wind, cold or rain.

I've had a lot of trouble with cold sores this winter, and I attribute it to not looking after my lips while out running. Badger Balm is my ultimate choice for lip care, but when it comes to running I just smother my lips in ordinary chap stick. I hate the stuff - my Dad's an engineer and he assures me that petroleum jelly is not a thing for the lips (in fact, it was him who introduced me to Badger Balm in the first place) - but it does stop the cold sore problem without me having to use buckets of my favourite lip balm!

Finally, an amazing hand treatment in itself, I moisturise my hands with a really gentle, non-oily cream before I put my running gloves on. I have very bad dry skin on my hands, and the best product I know for my particular skin type is Aveeno, which is made with oats and is truly divine. Decent moisturiser plus gloved hands plus sweaty skin plus lots of blood circulation really does leave wonderfully soft hands after a long run!

Stay nourished

I''ve been doing regular training runs of over 12 miles (I did 16 miles a couple of weeks ago - whew!), and I decided from the outset to try taking snacks and drinks along for a decent power surge when needed. I've been taking Lucozade Sport, which is ok, but I'd be very grateful to hear of any recommendations for good energy drinks (not gels)! On a 14 mile run, I'd have my first drink at 7 miles, then every 2 miles until the end of the run. This not only keeps me hydrated and reasonably energised, but it also helps to focus on the matter at hand - long distance - which can be quite daunting when not broken down into 2-mile drink stops. I've also been taking a small snack, and the best I've found is a bag of dried apricots: light on the tummy, easy to chew and swallow, easy to carry. Running in both hot and cold weather can really mess with concentration and energy levels (I feel pretty dazed after 10 miles in the best of conditions), so I've found it helpful to have a bit of support and nourishment along the way.

Recover

I've also just started with recovery shakes. I was so against the idea of filling my body with sugars and chemicals after it's taken me so boldly on such long runs, but then I tried it, and I felt amazing. I used to find myself craving everything and anything for a couple of days after pushing myself hard on a run, but this helps stop that, and I can get back to normal, healthy eating straight away. I'm converted!

Note: Unfortunately no one is paying me to say I like these products, I just genuinely do love them!

Notes From a Yoga Class

2012-01-18T21:41:00.003Z

When I first read this post by Phil last year, I was so taken by the idea of putting into words the sensations and experiences that occur during a yoga session that I intended since to do the same thing myself. Last week I tried it for the first time, and was amazed by how much I could remember from a class which seems to carry me unknowingly through it, and how the final written expression of that session seemed to consolidate it all so perfectly.

Last night I came home from yoga at 9:05pm, and got ready for bed straight away. I made a chamomile tea, put a few drops of lavender in my oil burner and got into bed with the beautiful journal that Daniel bought me for Christmas. Having already intended to come home and write about the experience, I had spent the class paying attention to my mind and body; listening out for tightness, unwanted thoughts, unsteady postures. I'd love to share the notes from last night's yoga class, as it was a particularly beautiful session during a particularly difficult couple of weeks.

After a 6am interval session in minus temperatures and two painfully tiring days at work, tonight's yoga class couldn't come soon enough. It was freezing in the room, which was packed with people filled with good intention and new year resolution. My chest was tight and my breathing heavy from the constant anxiety that follows me around these days. I was aware that my exhales were loud and unwieldy, but I let them go naturally: bursts of air leaping from my lungs with a fit of tense energy. I looked inwards; I held each trouble in my head for a moment and then let it drop, letting them go one-by-one as I succumbed to the physical sensations of my body. Just as yoga lets me consolidate mind and body, it also allows me to separate mind and body - when I succeed in this, I come away from the class feeling lighter and stronger simultaneously.

Eventually I stretched up into Down Dog. My legs felt crooked and tight, my arms tired and reluctant. We were encouraged to focus on the grounding of our fingers and toes; I struggled with this initially, but eventually sensed the full weight of my body bearing down on these 20 small digits. Down Dog is so often an exercise in strength, but giving way to all of my body except the tiniest extremities pulled away all fear and tension, and I found a more comfortable, deeper Down Dog this way.

My legs felt neither strong nor flexible tonight - a symptom of so much running recently - but I strived to hold myself focused and comfortable in every pose. My balance was off any my body awkward and uncooperative in spinal twists, but I tried to listen, tried not to push. I focused on stillness and remaining strong in the poses, however fully I did or didn't manage to hold them.

Finally we moved into a balance pose (Warrior 3). As my hands left the mat, leaving my single leg to hold my body weight, I began to wobble from side to side on one foot. Rather than worry about losing my balance, I practised emptying my head of all expectation, all judgement. I focused my energy into the toes, ball of the foot and heel - all pressing into the earth - and felt the sturdy world beneath me. I managed to hold myself, strong, focused and still, in the pose for a good half minute, enjoying my breath as relief to the heat in my thigh and calf. From here I sank down to rest in Child's Pose. My legs burned with lactic acid and my body was drained from pressing all energies so hard in one direction. But my mind was light and free, for the first time in a good while.

2012: A Big Year

2012-01-11T21:05:00.000Z

2012 is set to be a big year. I am currently making huge life-changing steps to get where I want to be, and it is taking a fair amount of my energy. Alongside that, because dreams don't always come true and money doesn't grow on tress, I'm also planning a whole range of huge life-changing things, because I've had my year of wanting things to change, and now I'm having my year of making things change.

So, here are a few of the huge (and less-huge) goals for this year - the hugest one of which has been left out, in order to protect my own sanity if it all falls apart!

1. Climb a new mountain
2. Go on holiday abroad
3. Buy a house (huge, I know, but exciting, too!)
4. Get a time of 2 hours or less in a half marathon
5. Write
6. Floss every day (10 days out of 11 so far - not bad!)
7. Get something published
8. Read more non-fiction

Aside from these goals, though, I just want 2012 to be awesome. 2010 was awesome, and it didn't involve a novel or a house deposit or even particularly good dentistry; when I think back, the achievements and fulfilment that came with 2010 came directly from me, from my heart, even. So I'm giving my heart to this year; to building myself again from scratch, to taking on awesome things and saying 'yes' to even the scariest challenges. I want to re-discover the person I was two years ago: enthusiastic about the future, passionate about my cause, lively and sociable. She's still in there somewhere, I'm sure!

I've woken up every morning lately with a ball of excitement inside me, eager to get into my day and make the awesome happen. I feel more in love than ever, more in control than ever, and more excited than I have in a long time about just being where I am, and getting where I want to be. The thing about a new year is that it gives us a place to start afresh; even though the sun and moon rise and fall just as every other day, the celebrations, the champagne, the relfections on the previous year - they all say 'here, take another chance and use it'. I feel that I've been uncharacteristically gloomy for the past few months, letting my woes stew together and constantly wishing I was elsewhere. So, in short, my new year's resolution (which has taken 11 days to really materialize) is to constantly strive to be the person I want to be. To be kinder, more passionate, a little less frantic, to spend time doing what I love, to take risks and put myself right out there when given the opportunity.

2012 is going to bring its challenges, I'm sure. But this year I am striving to do more awesome things, and to make 2012 a really big year.

Be Kind: Rewind*

2012-01-07T17:33:00.000Z

I set off into 2011 with the good intention to be kinder to myself. I resolved to "at least try and let time flow by, and not worry too much about the precious seconds that slip past without any real intensity".

Ahem.

I'm not sure how successful this was one the broader scale. I ran 99 miles worth of races, and cycled 170 miles of sportives. I climbed four mountains - one of which I descended by zip wire, took up fell running and had a rather terrifying few hours mountain biking with my Dad.

A few hundred feet above Honister Pass - spot the road in the top LH corner!!

And when I think back to the highlights of 2011, these things are exactly what I think of. I think of the sweet melon that we ate 80 miles into our 100 mile ride. I think of the evenings when I arrived home eager to get out on my bike in the dusk light and forget the day. I remember the 13 mile run and 70 mile bike ride that I did while unemployed, and that dark evening run right after my Uncle died when I had to stop to choke on my tears. It seems that intensity is how I get by, and as ridiculous as I realize I may appear at times, the intensity and adrenaline of these adventures is what drove me through 2011; I'm not going to let that stop now.

But, on the contrary to all of the above, I do think I learned a little about being kind to myself in 2011, especially towards the end of the year. It still takes a lot of effort, but my general pace has slowed to a steady lilt; I take time to sip a herbal tea before bed, I sit and write whenever I feel the urge, I listen to the radio more and read magazines as well as books. Taking time to simply sit and sip tea (a tip suggested by Rachel, which I highly recommend) has become an integral part of my day, and instead of the short and intense home-yoga sessions that I used to do a few times a week, I now enjoy a full and completely wonderful yoga class once a week (during which I inevitably fall asleep). I always knew that these things were needed in my life; they don't only complement the amount of activity that I do, but they also drive it and help my body and mind to re-charge afterwards.

Along with the physical aspects, of course, nutrition has to also play a large part. This is still very much a work in progress, but I am working hard to eat well and with mindfulness on every occasion. I now drink much more water, and have stopped using nasty squash packed with nasty sweetners to disguise the wonder that is H2O. I cook lentils a few times a week (packed with protein and hugely versatile!) and have started eating eggs much more often - and feel amazing for it! All pasta is now wholemeal, and rice is almost always wholemeal (white basmati rice is my ultimate indulgence - it could be much worse, I reckon!). On top of that, nuts, oils and seeds feature in my diet on a daily basis.

Eating healthily hasn't been a problem for me for a very long time now, but I am conscious of how hard I push my body on a weekly basis, and along with the copious amounts of fruit and veg that I feed it, I know I need to consider the fats and proteins and sugars that were never really an issue before. It's all part of being kind, and in fact it's the part that I take the most pride in!

As for 2012? Well, I'm still a little reluctant to set my intentions in stone for this year. I have some massive goals that I am working towards right now, and I'm quite prepared to let all hell break loose in every other aspect of my life to give myself every chance of getting where I need to be. I suppose that I want more of the same in 2012; I want to continue working on acting mindfully in every aspect of my life, and for it to become a natural part of myself, rather than a concerted effort. I also have a long list of goals, which I may share in an up-coming post.

*Did anyone else see this film with Jack Black? I saw it at the cinema and from what I remember really enjoyed it...anyway, that has nothing to do with this post!

And Here We Are, 2012

2012-01-03T20:43:00.002Z

2012: so here it is! Happy New Year! I hope the first few days of this fresh new year have been good to you!

I feel as if Christmas never really happened this year. It was so quiet and simple, it slipped by innocently, and before I knew it I was back at my desk, logging on to a pitiful 64 emails (as much as I'd hate to have hundreds of emails waiting for me after ten days' holiday, my sorry 64 - most of which weren't really meant for me - did make me realize just how little my position matters in the grand scheme of things. Ha!) and counting down the hours until banana time (10:30am, no earlier).

Before I charge into all of my good intentions for the year ahead, I'd like to first recount a few good memories from the past few days. I think I need a bit more time to reflect on what the festive season brought me before I really start to plan and make any lists; intentions don't need to be rushed, anyway. Still, I find myself in a much calmer state than I was before the Christmas break, as if all of my frantic obsessing about where I'm going, and my charging ahead full-throttle into something, anything, but this has melted away during the festivities.

I spent a quiet Christmas at my parents', just them, me and, fleetingly, my younger brother. We didn't talk until late into the night as we usually do, we didn't drink all the wine, host visitors for evening drinks or stop off at the supermarket every day for more houmous; it was an incredibly unindulgent, low-key affair. I think we were all going through the same, quiet emotions, and interestingly, the one thing I know we all shared this Christmas wasn't spoken aloud once. It didn't seem necessary, somehow.

Instead, we went for walks, sat by the fire, read a lot, and worked quietly on our own projects. I cooked for my parents, I went running with my Dad, I went running alone. We went for our traditional family ramble on Boxing Day (minus my brother, who had a better offer from his girlfriend - typical!), and our traditional gathering on Christmas Eve.

Then, I spent a cosy New Year tucked up in the mountains with the man I love. We ate a lot, walked in the mud and rain, chatted about things not to do with work, played games and slept in late. We went for a short run together in the dark, browsed the shops in Keswick and hurriedly scoffed many picnics as we froze in the first real cold spell of the winter. We also visited Grasmere and Dove Cottage, which was wonderful.

So now I'm starting to come to terms with 2012. I'm enjoying getting some routine back, and enjoying the placid feeling that's remained since I arrived home for Christmas. I'm writing every day, being more careful with how I'm eating, enjoying long evenings at home, and trying not to spend too much time with my computer. Long may all of this last!

Merry Christmas One and All!

2011-12-24T14:25:00.003Z

Merry Christmas, wonderful blog friends!

Wishing you all a warm, peaceful and very happy Christmas!

Here's to a happy and healthy 2012 - I'm sure there will be plenty of adventures ahead :-)

Cheers!

Reverb, 2011: Part 5.

2011-12-23T11:03:00.001Z

Check out the first four Reverb 2011 posts here!

1. Where did you spend your time?
I spent a lot of time on a train in 2011. The train remain one of my favourite ways to travel, and even though it was too much too often, too expensive and too early or too much after a long day, there was something wonderfully soothing about being on a train. I often took along a book, and have read a number of amazing books thanks to the amount of train travelling I was doing (another thing that puts me off cars - you have to just drive). But my favourite thing was to sit and be. Every morning I would take up my regular seat in the front carriage on the 6:25 from York to Leeds, sitting in the first compartment with the disabled loo and the fold-down seats, and would sit and reflect for the 25 minutes until we got to Leeds. Sometimes there would be a full moon or a sunrise to enjoy, other times the countryside would be particularly beautiful. Occasionally I would be tempted by my book and forget the world completely. But there, on that morning train, I had the one real period of space for myself in the day, and it was wonderful, no matter how cold, tired or fed up I was.

2. What were your favourite songs?
I am not in touch with the current charts, to say the least, so my favourite songs tend to arise from periods of intented listening to old or new albums. Songs specifically would be too hard to pin-point, but there have been some wonderful musical moments this year. The Mountain Goats in the fantastic Brudenell Social Club, finally discovering Meursault, a new Fleet Foxes album, an old Midlake album. Music has not been as high up in my awareness as I would have liked this year, but have continued to discover and re-discover, and that's always my musical priority,

3. Who did you miss?
I missed my good friends, who feel so spread our and so far away no matter where I am. How I wish we could all be in one place at once!

4. When did you take the easy way?
I took the easier option a bit more often later on in the year than I have done in ages. I let myself stop to sit and sip tea more often, and put on my pyjamas rather than my running shoes without getting hung-up about it. In all, though, I don't really take any easy options - does anyone? The effort put into even the smallest things brings the bigger reward, so from making my own pastry to running up the hardest side of the moor, I'm always eager to work a bit harder to get the satisfying mouthful or sunrise view that comes after it!

5. Where did you eat?
We've had some amazing food this year, both through home-cooking experiments and through trying out restaurants. There have been some amazing curries since our move closer to Bradford, (and more to come in 2012, for which I am already excited!), we had some wonderful local grub in Northumbria, including a meal that we walked 12 miles and risked hungry drunkenness for, and then there were the numerous meals in my favourite York restaurant, which we had occasion to visit a handful of times. Food has been excellent in 2011, and long may it continue!

Reverb, 2011: Part 4

2011-12-20T21:25:00.000Z

16. What did you accomplish?

I completed five half marathons, a handful of shorter races and two cycling sportives. I pushed myself harder and found that I was capable of more and more. I also graduated with my Master's degree; a day which, to my surprise, left me feeling wonderfully accomplished and so capable of anything. It's a feeling which I am trying to recapture in my career - that would really be an accomplishment.

17. When were you the most grateful?

When I got stuck on a bike ride on my own, and my Dad sent his colleague in a truck to collect me. I was freezing and exhausted and I didn't want to cycle anymore after getting completely lost and dropping my bike down some concrete stairs (ouch!!). I waited in the nearest train station, miserable and shivering, and then I saw the blue vision that was my Dad's company truck. The concern that my Dad showed towards me as a 23-year old reminded me that I'm very lucky indeed; not everyone has someone to catch them when they fall.

18. Who touched your heart?

There has been so much kindness in the most unexpected places this year, but the time that really springs to mind is when I left my old job. I was given two bags of amazing gifts, which was lovely, but it was people's genuine kindess and friendship that really opened my eyes to how wonderful people really are.

19. Where did you visit?

The Lake District, several times.
Most of the North Yorkshire countryside, including Whitby, Scarborough, Bylands Abbey and Pickering.
Northumbria for a wonderful holiday
London for a meeting
Watford for a wedding
Birmingham for a conference
York for Christmas shopping

20. When did you cry?

When I looked at some friends' wedding photos on Tuesday. When I said goodbye to my Uncle. When my Mum cried in the garden. When I got a migraine. After I watched Never Let Me Go. During The English Patient. When I found out I didn't get the job. And many other times!

Reverb, 2011: Part 3

2011-12-16T21:08:00.000Z

You can find Part 1 and Part 2 here and here!

11. Who surprised you?

I surprised myself, many times!

12. What did you learn?

I learned how to really ride a bike. I learned how to make my own naan breads and how to poach an egg. I learned how to do my job, and then how to do my job well. I learned about winds and how they happen, which is fascinating.

13. When did you feel the most relaxed?

There was one really amazing time at the beginning of summer when we were blessed with what felt like loads of bank hoildays, all squashed together in a row. Not long after that we went on holiday to Northumbria. This whole time I just felt so happy, and so glad to just be, without needing anything else. We spent time reading in the garden, we wandered around York, we saw friends and went for leisurely bike rides. That was a wonderful time, and culminated in a moment which changed me for the better forever - this wouldn't have happened had I been any less than completely at ease with the world, as I was then.

14. Where did you leave a mark?

I couldn't say for sure, but I hope that I've left a positive mark on many people this year. I hope (I think) I've made an impression in my job, and made changes for the better in that respect. I also hope that I've somehow been able to help ease the sadness amongst my family, with my words or anything else.

15. What movies did you see?

So many! Too many to even remember! Some of the highlights:

The English Patient
Never Let Me Go
The King's Speech
Blue Valentine
Run, Fat Boy, Run

And many, many more.

Reverb, 2011: Part 2

2011-12-14T12:10:00.000Z

See the first part of my Reverb 2011 reflections here!

6. Who was important to you?

People took on a new meaning in 2011, and I'd say that this was the most important thing to have happened this year. Daniel was my rock throughout, and without him I'm not sure if I'd be sitting here writing this now. My family became more than just the people given to me by the power of biology this year - we each went through the same thing in very different ways, and more than ever they are now people independent of me and anything I might know. Rather than causing us to drift into individuality, I feel the need to celebrate the people that I am lucky enough to call family. A mother's love often feels like a secret reserved for her own children, but the love and kindness she has shown to others over the past few years, and especially this year, has overwhelmed me, and made me so proud. My often very silent Dad and brother have spoken words so completely from the heart that I struggled to know how to do them justice, and again, their love and way of pulling together has surprised me and opened up my eyes to the people I am blessed to call family. And then there's my close friends. I feel that my friendships are becoming narrower over time, and though this is distressing and sad in many ways, in other ways it allows me to build upon and cherish the friendships that remain strong over time and distance. This Christmas I'm really trying to show those friends who really make friendship what it is how much they mean to me - even this takes time and effort, and really shows me how important time and effort is when it comes to those I love.

7. What do you hope to remember?
In pictures:

My MA Graduation

Valentine's wine tasting

A sunny April bank holiday

The view from the kitchen in York

March mountain air

Creating our own little garden

Keswick Half Marathon

Cycling the prettiest roads in Yorkshire

Cycling 100 Miles

My first fell run

Northumbrian beaches

Hanging thousands of feet above the Lake District

Making Christmas pudding

Birthdays with friends

November skies

8. Where did you spend money?

I saved money, rather than spent it in 2011. But good money went to moving house, to cooking up some awesome recipes, to filling my world with amazing novels and films.

9. When were you most scared?

Since March 19th I have been constantly terrified - that we won't heal, and that we will heal, both at once.

10. What questions did you ask?

Why? Many, many times.
Will I ever get where I want to be?
How great can I be, compared to how great I'm being right now? How can I fulfill my potential?
How many ways can you cook turnip?
Do I really need this?
Will it ever stop raining?
Where does the wind come from?*
What shall I read next?

*If you don't know, then I suggest you find out - I watched an incredible documentary on the wind and the science behind it!

Homemade Christmas Granola

2011-12-13T01:00:00.000Z

I love to make granola, and every year I make a huge batch with my favourite festive ingredients and spices for Christmassy breakfasts, snacks and cheeky suppers. While most people are preparing to loosen off their belts and undo their jeans buttons over the next few weeks, I'm preparing myself for a January half marathon, and with that comes good food with all the right nutrients, and plenty of it! I see this as no reason to avoid all of the festive indulgences, but I am trying to take care and control with my Christmas eating - this granola is one good place to start!

Normally I bake my granola in the oven, but more often than not I end up burning most of it! It also takes a while, and lots of care to get it right, and let's not even talk about the cleaning up that's needed once I've finished! This granola is made on the hob, and though it needs constant attention, it can be started and finished within 45 minutes - not bad for a whole season's worth of breakfast!

On-the-Hob Christmas Granola

5 cups oats (I used 4 cups jumbo, 1 cup rolled)
1 cup oatbran
1 cup shredded coconut
1 cup flaked almonds (or nut of choice)
1/2 cup sunflower seeds
1 cup dried cranberries
1/2 cup sultanas
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger
1/2 tsp allspice
pinch salt
1 tsp vanilla essence
1 large tbsp black treacle
4 tbsp honey
3 tbsp oil (I use groundnut)

1. On a very low heat, stir together the treacle, honey and oil with the vanilla until combined.
2. Add all other ingredients except the cranberries and sultanas and coat evenly - this might take some stirring!
3. Transfer all the granola to a large bowl. Then, bit by bit, heat small batches on a medium-high heat until toasted - this takes about 7-10 minutes per batch.
4. Once the whole mixture is cooked, put it all back in the pan and add the dried fruit. Warm through on a low heat for a couple of minutes.
5. Pack up in jars as Christmas gifts, or serve it with yogurt, milk or anything else!

Reverb, 2011: Part 1

2011-12-11T10:35:00.001Z

Daniel and I sat together over an amazing Friday night curry at the beginning of this weekend, and in light of our plans to have a full-on Christmassy weekend, we started talking about the year that is, finally, coming to a close.

It's been a tough one, and I'm struggling to consider 2011 as a whole, as a single section of my life. It seems as if it's gone on forever, and whereas I could make a long list of amazing 2010 moments, 2011 has, for the most part, been a long and tired struggle. I've found myself lamenting the year on numerous occasions, as if somehow the very fact that it's 2011 gives reason to all of the difficult things that have happened. Finally, though, the year seems to be giving in to some positives, and I'd be a fool to let myself see 2011 as one long string of sadnesses and frustrations.

Last year, Kaileen Elise put together Reverb10, a fantastic series of thoughtful posts to reflect upon the year. Though I followed the series and wrote some posts of my own, I found it difficult to post every day, and didn't end up getting as involved as I would have liked. This year, Reverb11 has taken on more of a DIY feel, and Kaileen has posted a set of prompts to inspire themes for reflecting on 2011. I feel a real need to think back on 2011 and write about it, a need to work out what exactly happened and think through some of the things that I had hoped would happen, and some of the things that I never knew would happen. I need to do this for myself, but here on this blog feels like a more appropriate place to do it then any hand-written or private medium, as here I think aloud, and so I think more coherently. I hope you'll get involved too, in your own way; maybe the questions that Kaileen Elise has written will help you reflect on 2011, too?

1. Where did 2011 begin?

2011 began in our bedroom in York. I was ill and had gone to bed early, but I got up just before the end of 2010 to watch the fireworks from our bedroom window. The year started with reluctance, just Daniel and me together, not in a celebratory mood on any level. Still, I was ok with that - I was glad to be in his company alone, as so many New Years have been spent surrounded by so many people that I didn't really know, and there's nothing more lonely than that, is there?

2. Who did you meet?

I met some new colleagues when I started my new job in March, and enjoy the wonderful privilege of knowing that some of these colleagues have become very good friends. I've 'met' new people through blogging, and have enjoyed reading their thoughts in their blogs and receiving their comments on my posts. I've also met new people in my yoga class and in my running club - people who will probably never become friends, but with whom I share something quite intrinsic.

3. What books did you read?

So many! Some favourites:

Running in the Family - Michael Ondaatje
The Waves - Virginia Woolf
Starter For Ten - David Nicholls
July's People - Nadine Gordimer
On Beauty - Zadie Smith
The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle - Haruki Murakami

4. When did you struggle?

The whole year has seemed to be a struggle!

I struggled to roll out of bed at 5:15 every morning without fail until September. I struggled to keep my head when the trains ran late or when they just didn't work. I struggled to keep faith in myself when I kept being rejected for jobs, and when I was unemployed (though very briefly) despite all of my efforts. I struggled, and failed, to not cry when I was told I was unsuccessful in an interview I thought I was bound to vanquish. I struggled with grief, with waves which bounded and pulled away without warning, and which got stronger with time, not weaker. I struggled to see my family clustered together in sadness as I tried to put our feelings into words, and I struggled to keep the tears inside my head as everyone around me wept to those words. I struggled to be the partner that I always want to be for Daniel, and I struggled alongside him as he battled his own struggles. I struggled up those hills on my bike, and one instance, by the side of the road to Whitby, I struggled not to be sick and not to cry, and to get on my bike and push forth through what really did feel like complete hell. I struggled to walk after cycling 100 miles, and I struggled to stay awake long enough to enjoy a good meal and a pint afterwards.

5. What did you discover?

I discovered what I always knew, one morning in April when I realised where I want to go and that I'll do anything to get there. I also discovered fell running, and I uncovered parts of yoga and parts of my faith that have always been there but have needed some exploring. 2011 has mainly been a year of uncovering, rather than discovering.

Where I Am

2011-12-07T18:31:00.001Z

I am cosy in my living room, sipping tea as hail smashes down onto the velux window. A spiced stew and jacket potatoes are cooking up in the kitchen. For the first time in a while, I'm feeling pretty calm.

There are still awesome organic veg discoveries happening on a regular basis (marrow turned out quite nicely, moss kale was a winner and I am joyously awaiting some organic parsnips in my stew), and life is ticking over with the pleasures of winter to drive it along. We've discovered an amazing recipe for Madiera cake (thanks Nigella!), I've found a new favourite film in The English Patient (oh how I wept!), and my running is getting better and more enjoyable by the day (I totalled over 27 miles last week!).

Despite all this, the build up to Christmas isn't really happening. I'm surrounded by crafting residue and bits of paper litter the carpet, but I just don't feel it yet. The Christmas tree is scheduled to be assembled at the weekend, and I am planning on making mince pies and simmering up some wassail; there is snow on the tops surrounding the village and the local Christmas festivities are in full swing - hopefully my first mince pie will bring the festive feeling along soon enough.

But, in reality, I can think of one thing and one thing only. I have a new obsession, and it's taking all of my creative energies, a lot of my time and most of my more pleasant social graces right now. I haven't had such a one-track mind for quite a while, so please, do bear with me. From where I'm standing right now, I'm thinking that this electric state will last until about March (the only clue I can give right now - I'm being careful about what I say for a variety of reasons, though), and then, for better or for worse, life will hopefully start to take a more definite shape again.

Until then, well, let's see about a mince pie or two!

Frustrating.

2011-11-30T19:03:00.001Z

I have been frantically frustrating (as in the verb - I have no idea whether it is a verb, but if not then it should be) over life lately. Frustrating over where I am going in relation to where I want to be, where I am in relation to where I want to be. How life is panning out and how day-to-day existence is working for me.

Some things are just perfect. And when I consider it long and hard, everything is perfect. But I have ideas and dreams that are too big to contain, though I have to contain them, day-in and day-out. I feel shut up in a glass box, stuck behind a desk. And equally I feel so glad and so excited for the way the weeks flow together, how my time is my own, and how I don't really need to build on any of it.

I am containing dreams that won't be contained, while striving to live each day with vigour. I have been talking obsessively about this with Daniel, going round and round and round until everything has been said in every possible way that the English language will allow. No answers have been discovered this way.

Tonight I found the answer to fix my twisted-in-two-ways heart: Beethoven's Fifth and a mid-week gin and tonic. Sometimes solutions are much more simple then they would appear.

Simple Pleasures.

2011-11-25T21:00:00.000Z

Blustery chills that make my cheeks ache.

Warm duvets.

Playing themes from The Snowman on my flute (especially the jig!).

Meeting new neighbours in the hallway.

Hot buttered scones.

Flying down country lanes on my bike.

New chocolate-brown nail varnish on my toes.

A really tough yoga class.

Thursday morning lie-ins.

Catching up on blogs with a cup of tea.

The promise of Christmas around the corner.

Listening to friends.

Unexpected phone calls.

Treating myself to a caramel latte from the coffee man at work.

Coffee highs all round.

Hearing praise for someone I love.

How are you enjoying the new wintery season?

Keeping Fit When it's Cold and Dark

2011-11-24T12:00:00.000Z

Finding a fitness routine that works for me has been a constant battle. Running has been there from the start (the start of me as someone I want to be and not someone I wish I wasn't, at least), and there's been some dabbling in swimming, aerobics, fitness DVDs and kickboxing. Then there's been yoga, on and off and on and on and off again; five times a week, once a week, classes, no classes; vinyasa, hatha, fusions with pilates. And the cycling; the six months of 60-70-80-100 miles a week, a strict regime of two short cycles and one long cycling day, come wind, come rain, come shine.

The MA where I had no time to do anything but read and write. The new job where I gave up all forms of movement and collapsed into a sorry heap at the end of every day for weeks. The long days as a commuter, where I spent four hours sitting on trains, running for trains, rushing from place to place. Lunchtime runs. Warrior-style weekends which left me more exhausted on Monday than I was on Friday. Lots and lots of very strict weekly routines, just so I'd actually get out there and do it.

And I have done it. Since my MA started and freedom as I knew it stopped, I've done eight running races and two bike races. I've got faster and stronger, hills have become easier, my appetite has got bigger. Somehow I've made it work, by creating training schedules that fit who I am and what I'm doing at any particular time.

Since we moved away from York I've had more time on my hands than I've had in years. I joined a yoga class and I started running every morning - just getting up and heading out for a short pre-breakfast run to start the working day with positivity, and then hitting the long roads at the weekend. That's all well and good when it's already light at 6am, but since the clocks have gone back we've been struggling for light even at 7am, and sadly I just don't feel good about running around here in the dark.

I replaced morning runs with evening runs, heading back out straight after work three times a week, regardless of weather or mood (above all I think that running has taught me how committed I am to a cause!). Then, of course, it got too dark in the evenings too, and bar sticking by the main road I had no option but to give up on that idea, too.

And I have to say that I now have probably the most well-balanced and enjoyable weekly fitness routine that I have ever had, moreso even than my student days, when I used to take Friday mornings off for a long run and do yoga at 3pm on a Tuesday afternoon.

My problem stemmed from the fact that I exercise outside and alone. So I found people to exercise with, and I found a way to do it indoors: I've joined my local running club, and I've started attending a local spinning class.

On Monday nights I head out with a bunch of wonderfully enthusiastic runners for a short sprint around the area. There are always a couple of trainers on hand to advise us and make sure that everything's burning sufficiently. Safety in numbers and bright jackets.

On Wednesday mornings I start work a little later, and run there via the nearby fells. I can fit a good 7 miles in and a fantastic adventure before the working day has even begun, and this ensures a bright mood and enthusiastic appetite all day (I find that working at a desk really hinders my appetite, which is always troubling!). Luckily we have decent showering and breakfasting facilities, as I often turn up covered in mud and ravenous!

On Thursdays I walk to a gym a couple of miles down the road, attend an intense spinning session (vital if I want to keep up all the hard work I put into cycling over the summer!), wipe my sweaty brow and run back home for tea. Spinning is torturous but I do love it!

Then the weekends are free for cycling, walking, long runs, and whatever else I choose! We try and get out in our walking boots every weekend as there is too much wonderful countryside to be explored around here to leave it be. Then there's the countless local fell races and the wonderfully cyclable (but hilly!) roads. Still, we can afford to take it in our stride; we don't have to rush to fit everything in at the weekend.

I've been taking Fridays off for a proper rest, and Tuesday is my yoga day. Though I only do yoga once a week now, I find it more satisfying and important than I ever have. I come to my mat in that cold, grand room, twisted up into a stubborn ball. Every week my body stops working at 7:30pm on a Tuesday evening, and as I coax it into stretches and slow, flowing movements, I feel my muscles and joints almost singing after an hour, when we come into balances. I can hold them; I can focus on not focusing. And then I lie down in Savasana, and for the first time since I started practising yoga, I stay there. Sometimes I fall asleep, sometimes I just zone out and focus on my fingernails and ankles, really feeling their presence.

For the first time I feel balanced and strong. I feel as if I'm investing in my body, and not just pushing it as far as it will go. Thanks to the dark nights and mornings, I've met new people and taken part in new things. I've faced some real social anxieties (what if I'm the slowest/fattest at the running club? What if it's all middle-aged men/super-fit thirty-somethings?), and I've learned the importance of variety. I've also found out the hard way how important it is to rest, and am learning the easy way how fantastic resting can be, when it's done correctly. Every day is an adventure at the moment, and every week I meet someone new who shares some of my greatest passions in life.

Veg Box Updates.

2011-11-23T20:48:00.001Z

This week's veg box was particularly exciting!

Broccoli

Turnip

Carrots

Onions

Leek

Brussels Sprouts

I say exciting, because I am absolutely crazy for sprouts, and we got a whole tree of them to enjoy! They look so odd, like green baubles on a strange palm tree, and it turns out that the leafy crown on top is wonderful when boiled for a couple of minutes and seasoned with salt and pepper.

Source

We started off with the sprouts on Friday night, stir fried and cooked up in a pasta bake with pumpkin puree and lots of cheese.

I cooked up the leek with some cheddar in a risotto, which was the first 'proper' meal I ever cooked for Daniel one chilly evening in early 2009. Such a moreish, comforting dish, and perfect after a long bike ride on a cold Saturday morning. I always use Nigella's recipe, because when it comes to comfort food, she knows best.

On Sunday we blanched some of the veggies and had them with amazing Higgidy pies and mashed turnip. And gravy. Lots of gravy. A perfect, easy Sunday tea after a full day of chopping, mixing, steaming, washing, chopping, mixing, stewing, washing...

I came home after running club on Monday night to a perfect curried carrot and lentil soup, thanks to Daniel. There's something about organic carrots that makes me want to dance.

More sprouts this week, please!

Best Blog Recipes: Oh She Glows' Vegan Tomato Basil Cream Pasta

2011-11-22T09:00:00.000Z

In this week's veg box update I mentioned a meal which involved possibly my favourite ever thing to do with pasta. We first had this meal back in June; a carbo-loaded meal ready for a half marathon fell run, and we were both utterly knocked sidewards by how tasty and simple the meal was. It literally took 15 minutes to prepare, and tasted better than any sauce-in-a-jar, or, dare I say it, better than any homemade tomato sauces I had ever made in the past!

When I first saw this recipe on the wonderful vegan-foodie blog Oh She Glows, I skimmed right past it, condemning it blindly to containing a vegan cream substitute or something similarly unlikely to be in my fridge. Added to that, I can't actually eat cream and, thanks to a few bad cream-related experiences, have developed quite a dislike for the stuff. So in all, Tomato Basil Cream Pasta was not something I'd jump straight for.

I don't remember what it was that made me read this recipe, but I do remember that I was instantly sold. Cashew nuts, garlic and tomatoes blended to create a sort of creamy pesto-esque pasta sauce? Yes please!

It honestly takes minutes to prepare, and can be whipped up while you wait for the pasta to cook. It's healthy, packed with protein and all the goodies that cashew nuts have to offer, and is perfect just mixed into pasta, as we initially tried it, or accompanied with vegetables. Last week I added some broad beans to the mix, and for a blissful half hour I tasted the summer all over again.

My only tip would be to use the best possible tomatoes - we used organic ones from the veg box and it was just supreme!

This Weekend.

2011-11-20T18:53:00.001Z

This weekend I realized something that has escaped me for the past two months: I realized that I am falling in love with this place.

We set off on a bike ride in glorious sunshine, to find ourselves lost in mist only miles along the road. The countryside was swept away into an eerie grey, and the damp and cold was a refreshing reminder of the new winter that hasn't always been so apparent.

We panted and sweated up hills, then flew effortlessly back down the other side. Cycling, countryside, and cold, fresh air were handed to us on a plate for a fantastic Saturday adventure. Just over Ilkley Moor the sun came out and the mist vanished with a whisper; literally melting away as we watched.

We picked up some fat rascals (huge Yorkshire scones) from the farmer's market when we arrived home, and treated ourselves after a tiring morning. We cooked a celebration leek rissoto - the first meal I ever cooked for Daniel - and enjoyed a glass of wine and some music together.

Today it is Stir Sunday, and our house smells heavenly. We now have two fantastic Christmas puddings and six jars of mincemeat to see us into the season. My Christmas spark has been lit and I can't wait to keep on creating gifts for my family and friends! I have a whole host of inspiration and ideas, it's getting quite overwhelming!

I'll let you know if my wish comes true!

And finally, to see out a busy and wonderful weekend in style, we are cooking up some pie and veggies, with baked apples for pudding. The ironing is (almost) done, tomorrow's lunch has been made, and I am looking forward to a cosy and quiet evening with food, wine and Ace Ventura!

Simple Pleasures.

2011-11-18T17:26:00.001Z

It turns out that November isn't one of my least-favourite months after all. In my head it was always grey and miserable, cold and lonely, dark, colourless, still. In reality, the grey skies and thick mist make a lovely back-drop to the hills around here, which are slowly turning from shades of orange to thatches of brown. Our flat is a cosy retreat from the winter-ish weather outside, unlike our old terraced house which was draughty and impossibly cold even in summer. I have been more active and more energetic in the past couple of weeks than I have been in ages, and I find myself just as stunned by the wintery shades of grey as I was by the autumnal yellows and reds. Everywhere there is something to be enjoyed; maybe this is more obvious now I have slowed down so much, maybe I am happier and more aware, or maybe the countryside is where I've always wanted to be.

The smell of woodsmoke in the evening air

Curling up in woolly jumpers and socks with a hot cup of tea

Staying up late

Licking the rim of thick yogurt off the side of the pot (I hope Daniel isn't reading this!)

Re-stocking my herbs and spices ready for some serious winter cooking

A new bottle of sherry on the wine rack

Sitting in the living room with Daniel, each silently working on our own activity

Homemade garlic bread

A really juicy episode of University Challenge

Incessant talk of Christmas at work

A long phone conversation with my Mum

What were your simple pleasures this week?

Veg Box Updates.

2011-11-16T22:04:00.001Z

This week's veg box presented quite a challenge!

Tomatoes

Onion

Broccoli

Chard

Cauliflower

Cabbage

And the biggest turnip I have ever seen!!

At first I was completely uninspired; I thought it'd be a week of stew, soup and...more stew? Actually though, it's turned out to be quite an adventure - it turns out that turnip is quite versatile!

Apart from the obvious opportunity for stir fry, which was simple but amazing thanks to the most wonderfully flavoursome broccoli I have ever tasted (so buttery and not bitter at all), I lay in bed last Wednesday night, worrying about the spate of stews ahead. And the fact that Daniel was obviously losing enthusiasm for what has been, for me at least, a sort of dream come true, however gassy it may leave us the next day!

We started off with a chilli on Friday night, using grated turnip instead of carrot to bumpf up the lentils and kidney beans. It was probably delicious, but I put rather a lot of chilli powder in there, and we spent most of the meal drying our eyes and noses and getting up for more water. It now sits sadly in the freezer, either for a Sunday evening when we have absolutely nothing left to eat and no money for takeaway, or for a day when we have really really bad colds.

Saturday night called for getting drunk, and getting drunk is always more fun when curry is involved. So another curry, this time with cauliflower, chard and lentils (and some butternut squash which I bought a while ago), and some more of those spelt naans, which had been sitting as raw bread dough in my freezer all week (and which cooked up like a dream, I must add).

Monday night was probably my favourite of the week, as we made an amazing creamy tomato pasta dish with the tomatoes, which I gobbled up before my first ever running club meeting! Maybe a little too garlicky for a pre-run fuel-up, but delicious all the same! I will come back to both this recipe and the running club in future posts - so watch this space! This might be one of my favourite ever things to do with pasta.

Then, we had half a turnip to spare. So we made chips. Turnip chips - surprisingly tasty, especially when sprinkled with Maldon salt and dipped in homemade ketchup. With a side of cabbage, of course.

Best Blog Recipes: Rachel's Vegan Christmas Cookies

2011-11-15T09:00:00.000Z

I came home this evening and really wanted a biscuit with my cup of tea. Can you believe that we didn't even have an old digestive lurking somewhere at the back of the cupboard? I can! We don't buy biscuits generally in this household, and when we do have biscuits (acquired due to cravings, gifts or baking sprees), we don't have them for very long!

But, it's a Friday evening as I write this and it's been a very tough week at work. I wanted something to go with my cuppa, and I didn't want to have to go out in the cold for it. I scoured my cookbooks looking for something that tickled my fancy - plenty of things did, but we have no butter (or rather, not enough for baking and marmalade on toast tomorrow morning!), and so they were all ruled out.

And then I remembered the best cookie I have ever made!

It was Halloween last year, and we had six burly men coming to stay in our tiny two-bedroomed terrace. I baked up a batch of Rachel's vegan christmas cookies (because if Rachel can post about these cookies in October, then I can bake them in October!), using dates instead of chocolate. They went down an absolute storm, even tempting a friend who 'doesn't eat sweet stuff' with a second helping. The next day I made a second batch to share with my family. These were even more successful, and my folks were, possibly for the first time, sold that 'vegan' doesn't translate as 'a aw carrot and a few lentils'. I jotted the recipe down in my bible of cooking bits and bobs, and then never made them since!

Until today!

They don't look quite like the ones on Rachel's blog; I think my dough may not have been squishy enough! Still tasty though!

We never ever ever ever have enough chocolate at our disposal to use in choc chip cookies, and as this was an unplanned baking session I hadn't bought any in. So I improvised with dates (my equivalent of chocolate heaven!), walnuts, stem ginger and even some candied peel, for a bonfire-cum-Christmas themed cookie.

Daniel came back from his run and gasped dramatically when he saw the tray of freshly-baked cookies on the side. We munched two each with a cuppa, in silence but for the occasional comment on the delicious treat.

Ahh, there's nothing quite like spontenaiety, is there? And just think, if we'd bought some biscuits in I'd probably be munching through those right now instead. One thing better than spontenaiety is the pleasure of biting into a cookie fresh out the oven, created to meet your exact needs that very evening.

This Weekend.

2011-11-13T19:43:00.001Z

This weekend: a spontaneous fell race (possibly the best race of my running career thus far), lots of mud, wearing in my new DMs, gingerbread lattes on a rare coffee shop date, cake-baking (and eating), a wet but invigorating Sunday morning walk, apple cake and Earl Grey.

Not pictured but also worth mentioning: this film, which was worth breaking my 'read the book first' rule, and has indeed left me hungry to read the novel just to find out whether I am so deeply affected by the story when it is left to words and my imagination. Also, drunken Saturday evening fun and Sunday afternoon bubble baths. I wish this weekend happened every day.

Simple Pleasures.

2011-11-11T18:07:00.001Z

A long train ride in the dark, and enjoying three chapters of my (very challenging!) book.

Muddy walking boots.

Getting the giggles over pure silliness.

A brisk lunchtime walk, striding up the hills.

Arriving at work covered in mud; an adventure before the day has really begun.

Baking cookies on a week night.

A sweaty spinning class.

A hot shower after a sweaty spinning class.

Spinal twists in yoga.

Sitting quietly without music or radio.

Waking up after a really good night's sleep.

Pasta bake.

And you? What simple pleasures did you find this week?

Meandering.

2011-11-10T22:14:00.000Z

Wandering aimlessly. Yes. I've had a real sense of aimless wandering recently, lilting gently, effortlessly along a path, unable to see what's coming around the next bend but having a sense of familarity once I get there. I've found myself asking Is this life? Is this it: one day after the next, just meandering along, existing, without purpose or intent.

Now don't get me wrong - I'm tremendously happy. I couldn't be happier in myself, I couldn't be more in love, I couldn't be more engaged by the people I see every day than I am right now. But still, what happens once you reach a point or a period where you are no longer striving for anything in particular? What on earth do you focus on once you finally find yourself are living on top of the point that you've been focussing on for the past year?

I have goals. I have huge goals, in fact. Goals involving mountains and mud, goals involving my flute and piano, goals which I share with Daniel and goals which I am striving towards alone. And then there's one huge goal, a goal so massive and seemingly impossible that I can't focus on it as a whole. At times it is an obsession, while at times like this when I am powerless and waiting on other people to do their work, I condemn myself to accepting my fate of unachieved dreams, to meandering along towards the next bend and the next, until I find some white water to rush upon and fight against.

I found myself suddenly so dispondent and unmotivated by the lack of challenge in life right now that I gave myself a severe talking to. As is usual when things stop going to plan, I started being harsh on myself, feeling guilty for staying in bed too long in the morning and going to bed too late at night. Annoyed at myself for eating too many chocolates too close to bedtime, for saying the wrong thing to the wrong person, for not going running because I hurt my foot on Sunday (have you ever cut the inner side of your sole? Ouch!!!). I told myself to stop being such a wuss, to stop letting everything else take control, and to actually grab the reigns (or the oars, to continue with the river metaphor) and get motivated. When I moved closer to work I was so lit up by the time and the opportunity that I had found for myself, and now I am settling into a rut where there is too much time, and it is being wasted!

So today I started afresh. I got up early and packed my bags for Daniel to drop off at work. I tied my fell running shoes and headed off upwards, out into the open nothingness in under 20 minutes. The air was moist and thick with mist. The ground so muddy that I slipped around on several occasions. I was alone on a bleak moorland in the first light of day, and it was wonderful. I ran to work via a moor that I have come to love, arriving covered in mud and eager for a hot shower and some porridge. Full of vibrance, full of enthusiasm, full of anticipation to share the day with people who are truly fantastic.

So yes, this is what it's about. Meandering is ok; meandering is moving, at least. Doing what I love every day, having the time and the energy to be able to do what I love, even when it's raining, and even when it stays dark until 7:15am. I create my own white water, I choose it when I choose to stride rather than shuffle - challenges can be found in every part of life, in every person and every day, some way or another. It's past my bedtime and I'm up, chocolate wrappers scattered, radio on loud, writing in my dressing gown. For me right now, this is what it's about; time to gather my thoughts, to express and organize sentiments that have sat within me all week. This right here is life; this is it, all that there is.

Veg Box Updates.

2011-11-09T21:26:00.000Z

This week's veg box overwhelmed me slightly. Normally we'd buy peppers, mushrooms, courgettes, and throw together chillis, stir fry, bolognese and other easy meals. The seasonal fare available in November is much 'heavier' than our usual selection, and I've been lacking in creativity and inspiration when it comes to lots of leaves, lots of green, lots of earthy, dirty, goodness.

This week the Veg Man delivered:

Broccoli

Cauliflower

Tomatoes

Cucumber

Carrots

Turnip
Red cabbage

Curly kale

Apples

Friday night curry night saw a deliciously fresh cauliflower and tomato curry, with amazing homemade naan. One thing for sure is that winter veg is perfect for curries; the days of soggy pepper and courgette seem far away!

Soup Sunday (even our menus are in formation - how dull we are!) was a resounding success this week, and we decided to celebrate the season with a leftover pumpkin. I don't think pumpkin is particularly exciting in soup (please let me know if you have a good recipe though!), but in this case we roasted a tray of pumpkin, turnip, onion and garlic in honey and olive oil, all sprinkled with rosemary, and then whizzed it up with some stock at the end. So earthy and delicious, on such a chilly Sunday evening.

We made a delicious noodle stir fry using my favourite peanut sauce, which was delicious amongst the greenery of kale and broccoli, and sweetness of the red cabbage.

And a simple kale, beetroot and cannelini bean soup, which was plain but perfect for a pre-yoga meal on Tuesday and post-run nourishment on Wednesday.

And finally, an amazing warm winter salad, with stir fried red cabbage, carrots and apple (I'm loving apple in savoury dishes right now), walnuts and raisins, cinnamon and cumin. Delicious.

Now, I've just received the next veg box and there's a turnip as big as my head in there. Does anyone have any good turnip recipes?! Please do share!

This Weekend.

2011-11-07T21:00:00.001Z

This weekend was perfect, and relatively unplanned. Even those plans that were made didn't all go to plan, in the best possible way.

I arrived back from a meeting in London on Friday evening, tired, undernourished and eager to start the weekend. We celebrated a successful week with curry and homemade naan (I was pleased to find that spelt flour can be used in naan, as I had run out of plain!). We toasted to ourselves with a pint, and settled down for Curb Your Enthusiasm and cake - perfect!

A lazy Saturday morning turned into an active day, with a six-hour walk into the Yorkshire Dales. The sky was pale grey shading to light blue, streaked with dim sunlight and perfectly November. We trudged through watery mud baths, wandered through woodland where leaves were thicker underfoot than overhead, and picnicked on top of a hill looking over to the ruins of Bolton Abbey Priory. At Bolton Abbey we met some friends and their lovely dog; we may well be doggy people yet! We walked and talked until the sun went down, and then went our seperate ways.

Bonfire night plans had been made many weeks ago, but we were hungry, cold and in need of some light, and so we frivolously threw the plans out of the window, took a taxi to the nearest town and enjoyed yet another curry - more authentic this time, and without any washing up! Back home we wandered the smoky streets, thick with the smell of burning wood and gunpowder, soaking up the rather frantic, wild atmosphere of bonfire-goers. We cosied up under a blanket with a bag of cookies and some music, falling into a well-earned sleep on the couch.

Sunday was bright and crisp, and all my plans for a duvet day crumbled into a heap. In my shortest fell running shorts I took to the hills, clambering upwards and bounding back down again until my feet were sore. Back home my thighs turned purple from the cold! The afternoon was quiet and slow; I baked bread, ironed a fortnight's worth of shirts and bedded down for Sunday evening and the week ahead. Pumpkin soup and bread fresh from the oven, Ace Ventura Pet Detective (I'm now obsessed!) and camomile tea rounded off the day, and the weekend, perfectly.

Simple Pleasures.

2011-11-04T21:26:00.000Z

The smell of home.

Thick custard and perfect apple crumble.

A log fire on a chilly October afternoon.

The village bakery, stacked with bread rolls.

Sore lungs, aching hips, a serious sense of achievement.

Turning off the 6am alarm and swapping a morning run for more duvet time.

The smell of roasting vegetables.

Finding out that I am doing fine just as I am.

Running in the dark.

Being greeted by a handsome fellow runner (and speeding up as we approach so I don't look slow!!).

Playing a Bach Sonata on my flute.

Sitting together quietly and listening to a new CD.

An email from my Dad; making me smile with only two sentences.

Lying in a hot lavendar bath, candles lit and Beethoven crescendoing through the house.

Cadbury's Roses.

It's been a good week! What simple pleasures did you enjoy this week?

Veg Box Updates.

2011-11-03T21:14:00.002Z

This week we requested a veggie box without any potatoes, as I am reluctant to eat them more than once a week, and even then I usually want them baked - no good when you have a handful of smaller potatoes! Daniel ate potatoes every day when we first met, and the potato debate is a long-running one in our household, but even he agreed with me on this one, however delicious the organic local taties have been, there were too many for just us two!

So, instead, we got a whole host of veggie delights this week:

Beetroot

Apples

Tomatoes

Cauliflower

Green pepper

Kohlrabi

Russian kale

Curly kale

Carrots

Parsnip

We cooked up a delicious winter salad with a beetroot, some kohlrabi, apple, pepper and matchsticks of Russian kale. Mixed with Puy lentils and pearl barley, this made an amazing hot meal, and great cold lunches, too! I served this with kale, stir fried with garlic and lemon grass.

After my flute lesson on Tuesday I came home to the delicious smell of roasting winter veg: carrots, parsnip, onion, apple and walnuts. Amazing!

Tonight I've cooked one of my favourite indulgent meals: vegetable pilaf, or 'rice bowl' as it is fondly known in our household! Cubes of beetroot and kohlrabi simmered with rice, butterbeans and spices, and more of that amazing stir fried kale on the side!

I also cooked up a quick carrot and ginger soup for post-race goodness, and the cauliflower has been saved for a Friday night curry tomorrow! We've already got our next veg box, and there's a big selection of exciting things to try out over the coming week - can't wait!

This Weekend.

2011-10-31T20:58:00.002Z

This weekend we took the train back to my parents' after work. The excitement of the journey home is new to me, having always been picked up when we lived in York (it was always quicker and cheaper to drive that journey). Now I love bustling through Leeds station with my weekend bag, watching the towns fly past on the journey, waving to my Mum/Dad/Brother as I cross over the tiny station platform.

This weekend I took an early morning walk with my Mum, enjoying the countryside novelty of having to walk over a mile to get a paper and visit the bakery. The morning was crisp and the light and colour were perfect. I kept having to chase after my Mum as I stopped to take photos.

This weekend I enjoyed the novelty of a completely lazy Saturday. I baked Yorkshire parkin, ate bagel with poached eggs, read the papers and played word games in front of an open fire.

This weekend we watched Blue Valentine, which moved me with its realistic take on love and made me grip Daniel's hand a little tighter. I couldn't help but fall in love with Ryan Gosling's character just a wee bit. And popcorn; I always forget how much I love microwave popcorn!

This weekend I completed the Worksop Halloween Half Marathon. It was a perfect race, with cars honking as we crossed a road bridge, a brass band playing in the park, autumn colours blending out into the distance, and perfect running weather. Daniel took a few too many photos of Worksop Priory and so my camera was dead by the time I crossed the finish line; crying out in pain from a stich, certain I was about to throw up and 12 minutes faster than my previous best time. 12 minutes faster and a whole lot fitter than I ever imagined I'd be. What a result.

This weekend I managed what I thought was the impossible, and my body wasn't thanking me for it. I treated it with my Mum's sublime Sunday Roast (with the most perfect Yorkshire puds you'll ever try!), crumble with extra custard, a glass or two of wine and a home pedicure.

I'm still reeling from a wonderful weekend. I wore my awesome race tshirt to work today to celebrate :-D

Simple Pleasures.

2011-10-28T10:30:00.000+01:00

Dappled sunlight reaching out through woodland.

Greeting a dishevelled Daniel with a hot meal and a cuddle on Monday night.

Falling asleep during my yoga class.

Running downhill, fast.

A mid-week, early-evening bubble bath.

Sipping tea and listening to A Good Read on the radio (and noting down books that I must read!).

Get-well-soon flowers blooming on the windowsill.

My Gran's cheesy-stuffed jacket potatoes for tea.

Perfect autumn scenes on my morning commute.

What simple pleasures have you enjoyed this week?

Veg Box Updates.

2011-10-26T21:38:00.001+01:00

This week's veg box was a little more unusual; I confess that I wasn't quite as excited when I uncovered the following selection:

Broccoli

Tomatoes

Cucumber

Potatoes

Onions

Cabbage

Carrots

Chard

Round black things...beets? Potatoes?

Ok, so I was really excited about the chard, and a three-day chard-frenzy ensued thanks to this post by Becca, featuring a host of amazing chardy ideas!

I also had a pumpkin which I wanted to use, so we made:

Chard and pumpkin chilli, based on this recipe. Really quite yummy!

Pumpkin and coconut curry with chickpeas and chard. Amazing.

Noodle soup with broccoli and chard. (You get the drift!)

The carrots became carrot and ginger soup, and I made up a huge tuscan bean stew with the tomatoes, cabbage and onion, which was accompanied by some of the potatoes, stuffed with cheese and twice-baked, a la my Gran!

And then it was time for the black things! We washed them and they looked like this:

Not black, but purple!

Then I chopped one in half:

Amazing!

We boiled these mystery potatoes with a sprig of mint, and served them up with a raw veggie salad and caramelized brussels sprouts. I'm not overly keen on potatoes, but these were heavenly - so buttery and earthy.

If you have any idea what variety these potatoes might be, please do share!

Best Blog Recipes: Eat Live Run's Carrot & Ginger Soup.

2011-10-25T12:00:00.000+01:00

I've been following Jenna at Eat Live Run for a long time now, and have tried and loved so many of her recipes. She did a 100-mile bike ride herself last year, and was kind enough to give me some good advice about the wonders of peanut butter before we did our race back in August.

It seems a bit silly to be blogging about carrot and ginger soup, when I could be spreading the word about her peanut soba noodles, carrot cake muffin bars, or Easter hot cross cookies (try them all, really!). But I thought this recipe was really worth talking about because of it's wondrous simplicity.

It's a Sunday, and so I wanted soup (shameful creature of habit that I am). I'm on my own; I didn't really want to cook; in fact, I wasn't really in the mood for eating. I wanted something quick, comforting and involving carrots, as we had a bunch in the fridge from the veg box.

I made carrot and ginger soup a while back and I wasn't altogether happy with it. The consistency wasn't good, and the ginger was too sharp - I think it was even one of those rare occasions when I didn't actually finish my meal! I tend to divert from recipes and not measure things correctly - this can mean the difference between soup and baby food, but still I won't learn! So this time I checked up on this recipe, which I had noticed a while back, and followed it reasonably strictly!

I was tempted to add celery and garlic, but held back. I did add lentils (!!), but only because this was my main meal for the day, and I wanted it for lunch in the week, too.

Amazing how such simple combinations can make something so delicious. Including the lentils this meal has only six ingredients. It took minutes to throw together, left minimal washing up, and sat simmering happily while I had a shower and tidied up. Blend, make toast, season and you're ready to go! The coriander adds a real warmth and takes away some of the sharpness of the ginger. The consistency is lovely and thick, really comforting for an autumn evening. But, the sweetness of the carrots is the main event - they need no celery, no garlic, and no chili; perfect just as they are.

And there's plenty left for the week!

This Weekend.

2011-10-23T21:36:00.002+01:00

I had this weekend completely to myself, as Daniel has gone to Ireland for a few days. I haven't had a weekend to myself in a long while, and have been looking forward to some solitude for some time.

The weekend started with a fantastic run in the Saturday morning freshness. I was slightly nervous after being ill last week, and did have a 'moment' where I almost lost my head, stomach and legs, but a few hundred yards later and all was well again. I got slightly carried away, and the short tapering run that I had planned in preparation for next week's half marathon became an 8-mile lung-buster. Amazing all the same, and finished off with a peach and treacle smoothie as a reward!

That afternoon I met a friend in Leeds for some shopping. The city was crowded and so vibrant, with music playing on every street corner, craft stalls and foot carts. We were carried along in the crowds, which was exhausting, and a new pair of Dr Martens and a new dress later we decided it was time for a drink. For me, Starbucks is one of those secret pleasures: I hate the place as a standard, but tempt me in with a Chai Tea Latte and I'm a big hypocrite with a frothy top lip! We drank and chatted for ages, as streams of people hurried in and out of the shop. Coffee shops are one of the few places where I find that time can really stand still; I'd happily while away half a weekend in a decent coffee shop, given the chance!

I spent my lone evening on the couch, with noodle soup and my favourite film in the world. Top that off with a peanut butter hot chocolate and I was swooning in a sleepy stupor.

Sunday I had allocated as my designated solitary day. I made pancakes for breakfast, and sat for ages reading, munching, sipping tea.

I then got dressed and set out into the day, with no more than my walking boots, camera, and enough change for a bottle of water and a chocolate bar. I knew I wanted to walk, but I had no idea where to, so I climbed up Baildon Moor to the top of Hope Hill (the highest point in the area), and sat a while observing the landscape. It was so good to feel the wind blustering through my jumper while the sun warmed my face; not the crisp autumn day I had hoped for, but still a weather to be ingested as thoroughly as possible. I picked a direction and a vague path, and headed out into the unknown, down the moor and then upwards towards Ilkley. After a couple of hours the clouds started to thicken and the world seemed to turn very dim. Having lost an obvious footpath, I decided to head back for some lunch - I had been walking for over three hours.

On Hope Hill

Walking was such therapy, especially as the weather started to turn. I wrapped my coat around me and strode, almost angrily, over the rocky terrain, through squeeze styles and over step stiles. I let my mind melt into the fresh air, letting go of the week's grievances, and the sadness still breaks me in two when I leave it hidden for too long. I arrived home fresh and blustered, legs aching and stomach growling, sinuses and chest almost sore from so much fresh air.

It's been a quiet, lilting weekend. Being alone takes some of the structure out of the day, which in some ways is good, but bad in others. It's so true that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I love having the chance to cradle myself in lovesickness every now and then; I thrived on it when I was a teenager, so the odd dose here and there as an adult is something to enjoy!

Simple Pleasures

2011-10-21T18:00:00.000+01:00

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have more money. Don't we all, in fact? But, when it comes to wishing for things, apart from the occasional new cardigan, CD or recipe book, material goods just aren't on my radar. In fact, I can go as far as saying that, right now, I am rich in everything I wish to be rich in; life is abundant, whole, and fulfilling. There is adventure, there is comfort, there is love and company and purpose. I can't imagine needing anything more that what I have right here. And the moment that I realized that was truly awesome. (I believe it was while walking through a carpark in the rain at around 7:45 one weekday morning, chatting to a colleague about life. The moment sticks with me now.)

This post really isn't about how amazing my life is - that would be rather arrogant and tiring; I suppose it's about how amazing life is, in general. Life without the gadgets and 'stuff' cluttering up our hearts and minds. Life without the next episode of whatever waiting on Sky Plus. Life without stashes of magazines telling me what I should be wearing right now and not next week. Someone, I forget who, discussed this on Thought For The Day recently; the abundance that is all around us, regardless of whatever dip or bump the financial crisis is going through, and however poor the headlines tell us that we are. We are often much richer than we might think; it's easy to see that when you don't have quite enough spare change to get the train back home on a Friday (thanks, Chris!), and so I'm rather glad that I am living my own age of austerity, just as my parents and grandparents have had to in the past.

What this brings me to is my friend Becky, who moved to Spain on Monday morning. For the past couple of years, Becky and I have been gathering and sharing what we call 'Simple Pleasures': moments that inspire or take your breath away, comfort or heal. Moments that Amélie Poulain might stop to write down in a notebook.

Simple Pleasures started when I found myself dancing naked to Lust For Life by Iggy Pop one morning, after a particularly hard Life Spell. I was so full of joy at the simple pleasure of life that I sent Becky a message to tell her that I was dancing naked to Lust For Life by Iggy Pop, and thus our exchange of Simple Pleasures began. Moments of simple but complete abundance.

Becky has only been in Spain for 5 days, and already I am finding myself gathering these moments and not able to share them. So I'm going to share them here, spreading the abundance of life as far as I can, I hope. If you have had your own Simple Pleasures recently then please do share; there is nothing better than reading how rich life is in its complete simplicity!

Lying in a lavendar bath, lit by candlelight, watching a storm through the skylight in the ceiling

Four deer bounding ahead as I run through a clearing in the early morning

Knitting in silence on the couch

Receiving real letters from friends

Wrapping up in a hat and scarf for the first of the winter frost

Sleeping through the alarm in a winter duvet

Being bought flowers to brighten a grey day

Perfect basmati rice

A whole yoga class balancing quietly on one leg

If you haven't already heard of Small Stones, I think this is a very similar thing to our Simple Pleasures. Rachel introduced me to this, and it's so good to see that so many people are embracing the small things.

Being Hard on Myself

2011-10-20T19:24:00.002+01:00

This week started with a lot of good intentions, and as these have somehow all unravelled into bits on the floor, I'm struggling to not beat myself up about what almost seems to be a 'wasted' week.

Monday morning at work began with a healthy to-do list. Over the recent weeks I've felt myself becoming quite unproductive, and this list was my new start, an attempt to grasp back some of the enthusiasm I've felt over the past year since I started working.

Then there was running, yoga and strength training. I'm working on a more balanced exercise routine, adding weights, squats and core work into the mix to try and reach a level of all-round fitness. With a half marathon next weekend, I was looking forward to really getting into this, doing strength work in the mornings and enjoying runs in the local woods after work.

And finally, there was the good intention to be still and do not a lot. To read and write, to sit and listen to music. To sit and sip tea for the simple pleasure of sitting and sipping tea.

And then I got ill! And the whole thing has collapsed into a bleary, sickly heap. The way that illness grabs and takes hold, forcing you to take what you can from the day and forget the rest, has meant that these good intentions have fallen through completely! Time off work means scrapping the to-do list and working with a must-do list, catching up on trillions of emails and making sure that no one is let down. Sickness has left me empty, quite literally, struggling for the strength to even walk up the stairs or down the road. In turn I have been nibbling through anything and everything my body is pleading for - this so happens to be chips and beans, chocolate biscuits, and porridge with copious amounts of honey. Vegetables are sitting soggy in the fridge, waiting patiently for their turn in the kitchen: maybe tonight is the night.

But still, I'm trying (and only semi-failing) to not be too hard on myself. Until this week I hadn't been sick in 12 years, and it's possible that my body is calling out for something much more important than top marks in my job, or stronger core muscles (though my core muscles could in fact have benefited...we don't need to go there). Without questionning staying at home in my dirge of germs, I was able to lie quietly and enjoy real and whole restfulness. Eating what I fancied when I fancied it, sitting on the couch every few hours for a change of scenery, listening to radio documentaries and reading much-treasured children's stories; this was wholly a practise in being kind to myself. I managed to be still and not do a lot, while also starting work on a new knitting project. Maybe this week hasn't been quite as unsuccessful as I had imagined.

Veg Box Updates

2011-10-19T12:27:00.002+01:00

This week's veggie box did not disappoint!

Carrots

Cauliflower

Kohlrabi

Winter broccoli

Leek

Pointed cabbage

Potatoes

Onions

I was especially pleased to get a good ol' broccoli, as it's my favourite of the greens and I thought I wouldn't be seeing it again until the summer! I didn't know there were different seasonal varieties, but this was delicious, and the flowers were much bigger than usual thanks to the weird heatwave that we had a couple of weeks ago!

As this was a very busy week we weren't too adventurous in the kitchen with this one, sticking to simple and familiar dishes that wouldn't take up too much time!

We used the carrots, broccoli and leek in a simple butterbean stir fry, served with delicious wild red rice and topped with yogurt.

The cauliflower was saved for a Friday night curry, which also included chick peas, carrots and homegrown tomatoes. It was divine, and the homemade naans (which were unbelievably easy to throw together!) were just incredible. I highly recommend having a go at these!

I wasn't so sure what to do with the purple kohlrabi, and after a bit of research it seemed that this is best in coleslaw-type salads rather than being cooked up in a hot meal. Since it's been so cold recently, stew was the only option for Monday night, so I threw the chopped kohlrabi, cabbage and remaining carrots in my casserole dish with some mixed beans, paprika and rosemary. The cooked kohlrabi was definitely tasty enough, but I did have a sneaky raw piece too which was absolutely divine, almost apple-like. Yum!

This Weekend.

2011-10-17T21:06:00.000+01:00

This weekend The In-Laws descended, filling our weekend with activity, food and conversation. It was a perfect opportunity to explore the area with our still-fresh eyes, and I think it's fair to say that I finally fell some way in love with my new surroundings.

Having tried my best to be the Hostess with the Mostess all weekend, I am now utterly gazumpft, and definitely incapable of putting together a decent few paragraphs of words. Instead I shall leave you with some photos of our stunning surroundings, taken during what seemed to be the start of that real, perfect autumn I've been hoping for.

Bad Day at Work?

2011-10-12T23:30:00.000+01:00

Maybe you could try getting soggy and covered in mud, preferably in flourescent yellow? I find a run through the nearby woods works a treat, especially in the rain.

Or how about some woodwind music? Something fast-paced, dynamic, dramatic. Plenty of double-tonguing and the occasional painfully high note to please the neighbours?

If that fails, this super-hot boyfriend lentil chilli (choose your own syntax here) should work a treat. Serve with pearl barley for extra goodness, and lots of grated cheese for an extra feel-good fix.

Music can serve every mood. For me, a bit of Joanna Newsome works a treat, especially with low lighting and some space to be still.

Source

Otherwise tea and cake is always a good choice!

Well...that has certainly worked for me!

Veg Box Updates

2011-10-11T17:25:00.000+01:00

Last week, we had the following veggies delivered direct to our door:

Carrots

Potatoes

Romano broccoli

Russian kale

Leek

Apples

Parsnip

White cabbage

Onions

Here's how we served up these organic treats this week:

Daniel stir fried the kale with garlic, ginger, chilli and chickpeas, and served it with a mix of brown and wild rice. Very tasty.

After a long Saturday of revision for Daniel, I treated him to a Romano broccoli (actually a cauliflower!) pasta dish, with garlic, lemon and cheese. Deeeelicious!

I made a leek, parsnip and apple soup; perfect after a rainy run (and great for lunch the next day)!

I made a 'coleslaw stirfry': strips of cabbage, carrot and apple, thrown in the wok with chickpeas, raisins, garlic and ginger, and served with a sweet and sour vinegarette sauce. I had my doubts but was very happy with this one, and it was great as a cold salad for lunch the next day.

I also cooked up a huge batch of winter broth, ready for those inevitable cold evenings when I don't want to cook: cabbage, apple, carrots and split peas, spiced with ginger, chilli and cumin.

A really tasty week, and we still have plenty of potatoes left (I'm not a big potato-eater so I may leave those for Daniel!)!

This Weekend.

2011-10-09T21:11:00.000+01:00

This weekend began with Erik Satie on vinyl, filling the house with an uncomfortable symphony while I assembled book cases.

This weekend I went for a long road run, ready for a half marathon in three weeks' time. The hills were painful and never-ending, the air was soggy and soon so was I. Still, I was excited to discover the proximity of dry-stone walling, open fields and endless footpaths to our front door; I can see a season of winter walks ahead.

This weekend we spent some time finishing the last details of our house. The library is organized, the spare room is ready for the in-laws next weekend (eek!), and a house has finally become our home. Cleaned, polished and cherry placed firmly on the cake.

This weekend we explored the local bookshop, which is simply too good to be true. I picked up my fouth book of the week in the form of essays by JP Sartre, prompting a lengthy discussion with the unassuming man behind the counter. When a bookshop can be an answer and a question all in one, you know it's going to be a much-loved haunt.

This weekend I experimented with organic vegetables, with results better than I could have hoped. Expect veg updates later in the week!

This weekend we watched Another Year, a film full of humanity, which is both optimistic and pessimistic in equal measure. I drank cider and ate too much fruit cake, and it was a highly satisfying evening.

This weekend I had a perfectly lazy Sunday morning - the sort of Sunday morning I can ususally only dream about. Waking to howling winds and drizzly grey rain, I stayed curled up under the duvet for way too long. Carrot cake porridge* on the couch, watching downloaded episodes of The Great British Bake Off (I am obsessed! No spoilers please!) and emailing friends.

This weekend we went for a blustery walk up Baildon Moor. The rain blew in our faces and our trousers got soaked and stung our legs, but conversation and hill-walking kept us suitably warm.

This weekend we had eggy crumpets for Sunday lunch, with homemade green tomato ketchup, while listening to Gardener's Question Time. I don't have a garden, but I love this programme and am sure to tune in every week.

This weekend I got 671 words closer to a huge personal goal.

This weekend I made sweet potato and coconut soup for tea, which Daniel decided is one of his 'Top 5'. We always forget what soups we make and how we make them, so I need to start keeping a record!

I hope your weekend was full of autumnal pleasures!

*Carrot cake porridge - my new Sunday morning treat! Jumbo oats, grated carrot, walnuts, jumbo raisins and cinnamon, drizzled with honey. Perfect.

Making it Happen

2011-10-07T18:29:00.000+01:00

One of many things I've always wanted to do but never have.

Local, seasonal, organic veggies. Delivered to my door every Wednesday night.

Romano broccoli. Russian kale. Apples. Leeks. Potatoes. Heirloom tomatoes.

Things I've never tried. Things I never buy. Things I love and buy every week. Thus begins the culinary adventure!

Creating Positives

2011-10-04T23:30:00.000+01:00

I'm normally an unavoidably happy person, to the point where I think my optimism can even irritate those around me. I love to enjoy everything that's given to me in a day, from my morning porridge, to a chilly walk to work, right up to that last sip of Sleep Easy tea.

Inevitably, it's not always like this, we all have bad days, and my bad days can sometimes be so dark and grey that I find it hard to speak when not necessary. Yesterday was one of these days.

Following a wonderful but emotional weekend, and a front-page tragedy that was much too close to home, I woke up on Monday morning with a heavy ache in my chest. I couldn't fight it, I couldn't smile through it; I wanted to hide away in bed all day but instead gritted my teeth and pushed through: pretty much always the only option. Days like this used to be quite common and would often last for a few days at a time, but these days it comes as a shock when I find that I don't actually want to get out of bed - a shock to me and to everyone around me, it would seem!

Towards the end of the day, when I had sat silently and worked in a haze of grey for a good few hours, my colleague made the first chip at the ice wall with just a few kind words. Such kindness helped to melt some of the grey away, and so I made the decision to bring positivity into the rest of the day in every way I could.

I breathed deeply when walking home and enjoyed the fresh air. I watched the leaves fall around me, making autumnal collages on the surface of the canal.

I pushed myself to go out running in the wind, and laughed as my legs were blustered around from underneath me, threatening to topple me over. I felt the cold gusts through my running top, and took my lungs and legs to their limit to exorcise the negativity right from my system.

I had a hot shower and took the time to exfoiliate and moisturise my dry skin, washing away the sadness and caring for myself the way I wish I did more often.

I drank a fennel tea and made a big bowl of salad, preparing myself for a week of tasty, healthy lunches and freeing up my time in the evenings. I adapted this recipe, because 'back-on-track' is always where I want to be.

I cooked for Daniel, who is busy studying every evening for an exam next week. I took care to make it special, enjoying just sitting, enjoying our food and chatting, and I even did the washing up afterwards!

I cosied up in spotty pyjamas, burned some jasmine oil, and enjoyed University Challenge and a homemade blueberry muffin (and I got 13 in UC - my highest ever score!!).

The thing is that it's not always possible to keep a positive mindset; it would be unfair to even try and live up to social expectations in that way. But I find it so important to maintain positive and mindful actions in everything I do, even when it isn't my first choice. There are days when I want to hide under the duvet in a silent storm, but bringing small doses of positivity into the day, making them a natural part of routine, makes it possible to pull through those days instead of turning them into a downwards spiral.

This Weekend.

2011-10-03T21:16:00.000+01:00

This weekend I took the train home to visit my parents. Daniel was in Derbyshire, so it was just me, with a book, my running shoes and the intention to sit and let the days lilt by.

This weekend I sat up late with my Mum two night in a row, sipping nicer wine than I ever choose myself and chatting into the night. The conversation always gets too intense and too indulgent to ever allow ourselves to head up to bed, even when I feel my eyes heavy and itchy with tiredness.

This weekend I kneaded dough with enthusiasm in the eary morning, making a double batch of my favourite pretzels to treat my family. The cheddar and rosemary pretzels went down a treat at lunch!

This weekend I went for a long run along long, flat roads between fields that stretch on for miles. I passed through quaint villages with gardens still blooming in the October heat wave, finishing up in the town where I was born. I passed my old nursery and my first home, stopping by both to take them in and remember myself in that playground, sitting on that kitchen step, playing on my Dad's motorbike in that garage.

This weekend I sat in the sun with my Mum and looked at old photos. We laughed and we cried, we remembered and we tried to remember. We wished we had taken more photos.

This weekend I got a few wonderful hours with a most wonderful friend. We chatted about the things I don't chat about with anyone else, we walked through fields filling our sandals with soil, and we drank pink lemonade in the sunshine. These afternoons always pass too quickly!

This weekend I enjoyed a slow Sunday breakfast with my book and a variety of intruiging jams. Fig jam, ginger jam, and my favourite, red berry and chilli jam.

This weekend I stuck with my good intentions and attended a local Quaker meeting. I sat and let thoughts pass through me until I was moved to tears. Silence can be the most beauitful thing.

This weekend I sat in the garden, crying together with my Mum. Crying for things we can't comprehend, for feelings we can't justify, for people we love too much to let go but also to let suffer. It felt good to share my tears, and to put my sadness into words.

This weekend we visited my Auntie, who has recently adopted a new puppy. Something about this tiny dog had me broken in two with delight: I was incapable of letting her out of my sight or reach, and suddenly it is clear what joy and companionship a little scruffy dog can bring!

Having Time to Lift my Arches

2011-09-29T20:44:00.000+01:00

I have a list as long as my arm of things I intend[ed] to start doing once we moved house. I'm so pleased to know that many of these things are now part of my normal routine, but there are always improvements to be made, and I'm continuing to try and shuffle my weeks around to make sure I find space and time for everything I hope to prioritize.

Probably at the top of my list was to join a regular yoga class; something I've been striving to do for way too long! I struggled to find the motivation to attend the class in York; I was too tired, it was expensive and I had very little spare cash, and after having visited the class I knew that it wasn't exactly what I was looking for in a yoga session anyway.

I was excited to find that there are two yoga classes in my new town, and both of them take place literally 750m away from my front door. On Tuesday night I set out with my yoga mat in arm, slightly nervous that the class might not be everything I ever wanted from a yoga session, but so excited to meet new people and to actually do something with my evening!

The class was relatively small compared to the York class, but there was a much broader spectrum of ages, and a good mix of both men and women. We started with a breathing exercise, and then got into a sun salutation. Even though the poses were very familiar to me, I felt stronger in and more aware of my movements, and could instantly see the benefit of being in a class as oppose to in my living room. I felt that my practise was fuller, more intense, and more mindful. The teacher noticed that my arches are quite collapsed (something I'm very conscious of and desperate to fix), and immediately showed me ways to incorporate this into my poses, standing with toes firmly pressed into the ground and arches lifting away from the floor.

It seemed to pass in a flash, and before I knew it I was lying on the floor in the dark, wrapped in a few colourful blankets. I have to confess (and I am quite ashamed to put this in writing) that the final relaxation of a yoga routine is usually replaced with a token couple of minutes in Savasana before I rush off to the next thing; rarely do I allow myself a deep, long, intense period of relaxation, and I've been aware for a while that, without this, my yoga practise is pretty much coming undone at the final moment.

I allowed myself to completely indulge in the stillness, and found myself zoning out from everything; something incredibly rare for me if I'm still awake! This period of stillness is one of the things I am trying to increase, in various ways, now I 'have time' to be still. It sounds silly, but it really is impossible to be still when time is sucked away every day by trains, work, housework and exhaustion. Only now am I really breathing in the moments around me and watching them pass by quietly.

I couldn't have asked for more in a yoga class. The sharp edges of my days are fading into soft, felt boundaries, and I am able to push and bend my routine in new ways to suit my mood, my day and the spontaneity of my surroundings. And if my arches are fixed in the process then that will be a real cherry on top!

This Weekend.

2011-09-25T17:55:00.000+01:00

This weekend I sampled one of the bars in my new area. It was loud and busy - four nice bars/pubs to a whole village will lead to a struggle for a seat on Friday night - and full of such a range of ages and 'types' of people (as far as you can classify different 'types' of people from observing them in a bar), all mingling, laughing and drinking together. We perched on high stools for a good while, sipping pints and indulging in the best conversation I've had in ages. We left after the second bell rang, hurried by a barman with cleaning spray, and stumbled home to late-night toast and honey and a spinning attempt to sleep. I haven't been drunk in ages, and I thoroughly enjoyed it until I lay my head on the pillow.

This weekend we had a lazy Saturday breakfast - fried with toast for him, goodness-packed for me - and tidied our house in our pyjamas. I love being at home on Saturday morning, Radio 4 murmuring in the background as the weekend gets itself started.

This weekend I explored the nearby Baildon Moor with a short but challenging run. My first attempt at fell running alone, and I was glad to see so many walkers out in case of any nasty falls. The ground was soft but firm underfoot, and I had fun bounding down the moorside with my windmill arms (the techniques are coming to me slowly!).

This weekend we hit Ikea at peak time, and I was exhasperated after only 5 minutes. We chose a sofa-bed, some bookcases, a chest of drawers and a few other useful (or completely unuseful but pretty) items. We haven't got all of it yet, but still I can't wait to start setting up our new things. Soon this will be home just as I imagine it.

This weekend we watched Black Swan. With tea and biscuits. Before bed. Cue wierd dreams.

This weekend we set out on a drizzly Sunday morning for the first bike ride in over a month. It was a fantastic way to explore the area, and I am so excited to see how close we are to rolling hills, open moorland and quaint village tearooms. It was disappointing to find that I've lost some of the fitness I gained during training for the 100-mile ride (despite a lot of difficult running since!), but I soon found that pushing through the agony and breathlessness became easier at every hill. We crossed over Ilkley Moor in a cloud of grey, and it still managed to stun me with its desolate landscape and harsh wildness.

This weekend I made ketchup with my green tomatoes. I have lots of red ones ready for pasta tomorrow, but wanted to make use of the abundance of green fruits so that we can put my first 'grow your own' project to bed (they are currently sitting in our living room, and the fruit flies are pretty gross!). My kitchen is a wreck, but I have two jars of brown sauce (green tomatoes + red wine vinegar = brown ketchup!) which I look forward to serving at every dinner party ("ketchup with the curry anyone?").

Now I am being summoned for furniture assembly tasks! I can't wait to show you around!

Weekend Plans

2011-09-23T17:47:00.000+01:00

Friday again. I am loving life right now and the weeks are spinning past.

This weekend I plan to...

...finish furnishing the house with a much-needed trip to Ikea

...read further into my new book until I can't put it down (I've started reading '100 Years of Solitude', of which I have only heard fantastic reviews)

...take time to be still, both on my yoga mat and off it

...explore the nearby Baildon Moor in my running shoes

...explore a new place in our new local area

...get on my bike, for the first time since our big race

...write a letter to my Grandma

...get back into the swing of blogging

Life has taken a turn for the peaceful. I can't wait to share more of it with you!

Almost Back

2011-09-20T13:21:00.000+01:00

It's been a while! A whistle-stop round-up of the past two weeks:

- We said goodbye to our rickety, ramshackle house in York and moved ourselves (with some help) to a modern flat in a village near Bradford. We can see the moors from our window, there are no draughts, and I can sit cross-legged in the bath.

- I took part in a 14-mile fell race, where I got lost and added a few hills and an extra mile to the fun. Officially the hardest challenge yet!

- I created a yoga studio in our new house, which is slowly being taken over as Daniel's room for discarded things.

- I spent a week at a conference in Birmingham where I tried to establish a routine with smelly canal runs in the morning, just-add-water porridge and 9pm bedtimes.

- The new house became home as I dragged my tired self up the stairs, soaking wet from the Pennine rains (which never stop for long!) and exhausted from the noise of Birmingham.

- I took part in the best race of my life so far - a 7-mile fell run over Ilkley Moor (bah tat, no less) where the mud came up to my knees and I almost lost my shoe - and came last! What a humbling experience!

- I celebrated my one year anniversary of being a full-time employee.

- I joined a book group.

Internet should return to our lives tomorrow. I've enjoyed this break from everything electronic, but blogging and University Challenge will be welcomed back into open arms :-)

Bank Holiday

2011-08-31T16:51:00.000+01:00

This bank holiday was filled with everything I love.

Mountains, family, adventure, too much fresh air and sticky toffee pudding.

The perfect opportunity to catch up with my nearest and dearest, with my fell running training, and with myself.

Not Being Fat and Other Stories

2011-08-24T21:41:00.000+01:00

I've become slightly addicted to the new series by Cherry Healey on BBC Three. These fun documentaries unfold the typical women's issues, so far looking at breast feeding, money, and most recently, body issues. In the latest episode, Cherry discussed some of her own issues about her body and weight, and visited a number of women to talk about their own body images.

According to Cherry, the average woman spends 31 years of her life on a diet. If we presume that the first and last 10 years of any woman's life are not spent dieting (but are rather spent being young and being old respectively), that's a total of half of a woman's life from age 10 to age 70 spent on a diet. Hideous.

The documentary really hit home to me. Like practically every other woman on the planet (or at least in the UK and USA - German women never seem to have body issues!), I've spent a good proportion of my 24 years worrying about my body. I remember in explicit detail practically every instance of being called 'fat' at school - going back as far as when I was four years old and had to stand up in front of the class to say something. I was always a 'well built' child, despite the fact that I was brought up on the healthiest and most wonderful of diets - I can honestly claim that not once did I consume a packet of crisps or a chocolate bar in my packed lunch, and enjoyed instead melon and raw vegetables, and the odd fig roll as an occasional treat.

So I continued into high school being relatively overweight, but nothing too serious. I wasn't fit (at all!!!) and I had a big appetite, and once I was given free-reign of my food my 'well built' figure became 'properly overweight' quite quickly. I always dreamed that one day I'd lose weight, but I never actually tried to; I have no idea why. Then, I got a boyfriend, and McDonalds lunches teamed with Starbucks afternoons teamed with absolute disregard for my health led to full-on overweightness. Possibly even obesity. We were overweight together so it seemed less obvious, and I didn't notice until my favourite trousers became a bit tight.

To cut a long story short, I decided, much later than I should have (I actually couldn't wear trousers at the time as finding a pair to fit was too difficult), to do something about it. I started running (albeit very slowly!), I started going out on my bike, and most importantly, I started to cook. I cooked and cooked and cooked. I discovered new vegetables, spices, curries and chillies and ratatouille. I came home from school every day and put a tray of vegetables in the oven to roast. I stopped eating meat and bread. I loved fresh salmon, chickpeas, and mounds and mounds of colourful veg. I had a good breakfast every morning: muesli and natural yogurt and fruit. I fell absolutely head-over-heels in love with food. I still ate a lot, but the weight just dropped off - fell as if I was shedding my skin. That summer, I wore a bikini on the beach in Vancouver. I was 18 and I absolutely loved my body: how many women can say that?

But there's always a but.

Mine was university. What happened, I do not know, but everything came undone. Maybe I was too confident in my new habits, maybe I got cocky and thought I'd never be able to be fat again. I can assure you that takeaways and alcohol make you fat incredibly quickly. It's very easy to be thin, but it's just as easy to not be thin, that's for sure.

(I actually can't find a single photo of me from back then that isn't only my face to put on here - shocking!)

Argh I was so unhealthy, and the chronic stomach problems I've always had got worse and worse and worse. I was in so much pain and discomfort that I had to miss lectures, and I ate mainly Weetabix and cous cous for a good few months running. I became pretty scared of food and how it could make me feel - but that didn't stop me stopping by the pizza takeaway on the way home from a night out.

It wasn't long into this nightmare that something clicked into place. I started cooking properly again, and (gasp! confession!!) in March 2007 I joined a gym! I hate gyms, I really hate them. But I went, three or four times a week, mainly to run on the treadmill. Weight once again disappeared (as did the takeaway boxes in the recycling), my stomach problems improved and I started to feel good. By June I had the confidence to run outside, and by July I was back in that bikini in Croatia.

A photo!!

Ah you see! I was not super skinny and I certainly didn't have a six pack, but I felt GREAT. Absolutely wonderfully great about my whole body. Hurrah! I was fitter than ever and back with my love for food; happy just to carry on the way I was going.

And then another but!

France. The but of buts. The living alone with no radio or Internet in a tiny basement studio. Freezing cold all winter. Nothing much to do. Certainly not the lifestyle a 20-year old wants for herself. Cue calorie counting, portion control, an obsession with sit ups and squats and bean-can dumbbells.

Six months later I was the thinnest and unhappiest I'd ever been. We don't need to go too far into that right now. But I do have loads of photos.

So, what have I just laid this all out for? Because this is something that is more to me than much else. Most women have issues with their bodies, and it's up to all of us to fix it. Because the world around us is not going to change, so we have to change it ourselves. Because I don't want to spend another 22 years dieting or worrying about myself.

I'm a whole stone heavier than I was this time last year (despite the fact that I eat less and exercise more...hmm), but I'm no less happy than I was then. I'm no less happy than I was in that top picture either. I'm a trillion times happier than I was in the above photo. Plus I'm not irritable, I have periods, I don't wake up in the night with agonizing pains in my legs and hips, I don't bruise at the touch of a feather, and I've gained my interest back in a lot of (very important!!) things. Hurrah!

I can stand, hand on heart and say that - right now at least - I love my body. I don't feel fat (though I do have fat days of course!), I don't want to make anything bigger or smaller, and I don't ever do sit ups (how long do I have to live, and how much of that do I want to spend doing sit ups?). I eat loads, I run and cycle for the pleasure of it, I don't intend to ever join a gym again.

Watching Cherry Healey's documentary yesterday made me realize how fortunate I am to feel this way. How much I need to celebrate not getting on the scales every day (or week, or month), not counting calories, not doing 100 sit ups in the mornings. I'm ok with not having a toned stomach, I'm ok with not fitting into my teeeny tiny jeans, I'm ok with my stocky legs that recently got me 100-miles on a bike.

We focus too much on losing weight, and not enough on being healthy. Forget sweetner, forget margarine, forget treadmills and sit ups and no carbs. None of these things benefit our bodies. Fresh air, wholegrains, laughter, gentle yoga, 12 portions of veg a day, water, lentils and lots and lots of simple happiness: that's how I want my time to be spent, thank you very much.

And cake, too, of course!

Best Blog Recipes: Peas and Thank You's Vegan Soft Pretzels

2011-08-23T09:00:00.000+01:00

One of the best things I've gained from blogging is food inspiration. I read a good number of food blogs on a daily basis, and my weekly menus often include ideas I've found here in the Blogosphere. In fact, some things have even become staples in our kitchen, either in their original form, or adapted to match my own tastes.

There is so much inspiration to be found, and I delight in it.

It is only right and good that I share those recipes that really make us go 'oh my....YUM!!' as we sit down at the table; if I love them then I'm sure plenty of other people would too, and as we don't all read the same set of food blogs, it makes sense to spread the word! So, here is part one of my Best Blog Recipes series (that sounds a little too official, I must say)!

I'll blog about recipes as I cook them - not only because this gives me a good excuse to taste my favourite recipes again, but also because there is such a huge back-log of amazing ideas to cover that I'd be here all year trying to work out how to write them all down in as much detail as I can! Note that this isn't any form of recipe review; if it's here then Daniel and I loved it (one omnivore and one vegetarian, for a well-balanced spectrum of tastebuds!) - I'm not going to bemoan anything I've found that wasn't quite to my tastes, that's not my style!

So, for part one we have a bready treat, with Peas and Thank You's Vegan Soft Pretzels!

I used to live in Germany, where breaded pretzels - or Laugenbraetze, as they were known in Bavaria - were available on every corner. I often used to pick one up on the way back from a lecture, or as a snack while shopping, and rather quickly I became almost addicted to the way my teeth broke the golden crust, revealing the soft, doughy and incredibly white bread beneath. Actual heaven.

A few months ago I tried making them for the first time, using this recipe by the Hairy Bikers. The pretzels were tasty, there's no doubt about that, but they were too 'British'; a lot like very salty, pretzel-shaped crusty rolls: not the sensual revisit to Bavaria that I was really after!! Then, today, I fancied baking something. In fact, I needed to bake something, and having consumed more sugar than my teeth and blood can probably cope with over the past few days, it had to be something savoury. I'd come across the recipe in question a few weeks ago, and within minutes I was back to that webpage to check whether my cupboards were appropriately stocked!

Two hours later...

Ta da!

They look rather yellow but I put that down to having used extra virgin olive oil rather than margarine. We topped half with caraway seeds and half with salt, but personally I think the salted ones look the best! So far I've had a caraway pretzel, which was increidble. I bit into it and Germany came flooding back; the crust was perfect, and the dough was white and a little cloying to the mouth - just as it should be. I have to say that while I was making this I was completely doubtful that it would work: the bread mixture was much thicker than I'm used to, and it was very hard to knead by hand. Still, with a little help from a cool oven it rose to double the size, and thus my optimism also grew! We then boiled them in soda water (this isn't called for in the Hairy Biker's recipe), which was very exciting! This was a fun recipe to cook together, especially once the dough had risen, and I bet it would be extra fun to make these with kids (or fully-grown boyfriends who are un-used to baking...!).

Next time you wake up on a rainy Sunday, I fully recommend that you try these! A great healthy snack, which we've wrapped up ready for lunches tomorrow, and lots of fun to create! You could also top them with poppy seeds, sesame seeds, cheese, pepper...the options are endless!

24

2011-08-21T16:59:00.000+01:00

24 so far has been perfect.

A long early-morning run in perfect birthday weather; greeting old people with their dogs.

Lunch with cousins, catching up. New shoes and a hair cut. Homemade pizza and a beer.

Late-night cake and lots of birthday presents.

(I've never been so spoiled!)

A country walk with good friends.

Sweeping views, muddy legs, good conversation.

A hard-earned pub lunch, beer and birthday cards, gargantuous chips with homemade ketchup.

More of the same, please!

23

2011-08-18T12:39:00.001+01:00

Twenty three has been a funny age. Not my favourite; not as good as twenty two or twenty one. Possibly better than nineteen and twenty, but not much.

This past year, the twenty fourth of my life, has been a mix of highs and lows. Euphoric 'yes!' moments mixed with some of the toughest challenges that life has thrown at me.

It marks the year I sat up all night writing, and the year I handed in what I hope won't be my life's work.

It marks the year we almost didn't get down from a mountain. The year we waded through a river. The year of Daniel My Hero.

It marks the year I moved in with Daniel and started to build a home. The year he became more than I thought one person could ever be. The year we chose a couch together and argued over curtains.

It marks the year I got my first full-time job. A job I have been lucky enough to love.

It marks the year I woke up every morning at 5:15am, ready (or not) for a 2-hour commute and a 12-hour day. The year I was always tired.

It marks the year that I spent my first Christmas with Daniel.

It marks the success of my MA; standing next to my parents one chilly January morning and not needing any form of word or gesture to know exactly how proud of me they are.

It marks the year I went wine tasting for the first time.

It marks the year I ran three half marathons, fell in love with fell running, cycled hundreds of miles ready for an amazing 100-mile bike race (and through all this managed to gain a stone). Too tired to feel fit, but satisfied either way.

It marks the year I lost one of the brightest lights in my world; my Uncle Rob. The year I stood before hundreds at his funeral to try and put into words how we were all feeling.

It marks the year I was, so very briefly, unemployed: a short but bitter period of the worst that 'real life' has to offer.

It marks the year when, early one fresh morning in early summer, I knew where I wanted to be, and I started to chase it.

Twenty three, you've been tough, and I've become tougher. Here's to a twenty fifth year of seeing things through and sleeping a bit longer!

We Did It!

2011-08-15T19:21:00.000+01:00

Well, we did it!

102.25 miles. 10 hours and 5 minutes. An absolutely amazing day.

Today I've been moping a bit, eating a lot, and enjoying some restorative yoga, sunny walks and lazy hours on the couch. Just what the doctor ordered!

I've also written an epic report of our day, Tolstoy-fashion - check it out here!

The Big Race is Upon Us!

2011-08-13T20:24:00.000+01:00

Our big race is finally upon us!!

I am all things right now. Bloated with pasta, tired, nervous, excited, curious, energetic, desperate to squash some yoga into the last minutes of the day (we have to be up at 5, so it's pretty much bed time right now).

We will be cycling in memory of my Uncle Robert. A wonderful, inspiring and slightly crazy man, who would surely would have loved to take part in this race himself. I miss him now more than ever; the impossibility of his death is even greater when I'm out on my bike, flying through the countryside as if the world were my own. So far we've raised over £400 towards the hospice that cared for him in my hometown. People have been so generous.

Yesterday I found out that my Uncle's colleagues are also fundraising in his memory this weekend, by climbing the Yorkshire Three Peaks, again for the hospice. The idea that other people who knew and loved him will be out in Yorkshire to honour his memory tomorrow is so big it almost brings tears. The thought of us all out there missing him will surely get me over some walls tomorrow.

So here we are. About to go to bed. And when we wake, it will be the big day! Please hope for good weather for us tomorrow, with no wind!

Sick Day

2011-08-10T17:00:00.000+01:00

Sick days are for taking up the whole bed and listening to the rain fall through the open window.

Sick days are for creating cosy empires with a Radio 4 soundtrack; gallons of tea and stodgy sweet porridge consumed while hiding under the duvet.

Sick days are for observing an unfamilar neighbourhood: new noises, new happenings, which are always missed while at work.

Sick days are for eating toast and jam unreasonably close to lunch time.

Sick days are for ignoring the smudgy sink, the untidy living room, the washing and the ironing, and instead creating a temporary dirge of crumbs, crinkled sheets and dirty dishes.

Sick days can sometimes be a welcome break from the buzz of life!

Sparce

2011-08-09T21:07:00.000+01:00

Posting has been sparce over here, but I am not without words. I simply don't have a minute to write them all down.

Still, there is a short update here about our latest adventures on two wheels.

The next month:

Bike ride
Birthday
Weekend mountain break
House move
15 mile fell race
Week-long conference

My brain hurts.

Some News, Some Updates

2011-08-02T12:57:00.000+01:00

A lot is happening around here...

Daniel has a new job

So we are moving house

We're moving to a new house in a new place in a (sort of) new county (West Yorkshire, as oppose to North Yorkshire)

I'll be a 20 minute walk away from work

We'll be a 40 minute hike away from the Yorkshire Dales

In other news...

I cooked beetroot for the first time on Sunday

The bike ride is less than 2 weeks away, and sponsorship is coming in think and fast

We are up to our eyeballs in leafy greens thanks to my new 'let's get super-healthy' plan

I am about to keel over from exhaustion

Raw Ribbon Salad

2011-07-27T20:54:00.000+01:00

Raw carrot/courgette/cucumber sliced into ribbons with a peeler, mixed with toasted fennel and sunflower seeds, extra virgin, white wine vinegar and some salt and pepper.

Perfect for hurried folk rushing between work, bike and bed!

Bike Hangover

2011-07-25T13:03:00.000+01:00

Well, we made it to Whitby!

Ten and a half hours of cycling. Mostly upwards.

Two days later I'm headachey, dizzy, nauseous, tired. Craving wierd food at wierd times (I woke up too early yesterday with a stomach screaming for food, ate some cereal and headed back to bed) and finding myself disgusted by the idea of other foods (I couldn't even manage a whole cup of tea, bleurgh!).

Wierd. It's sort of like being hungover.

If only I could lie in the dark with a bowl of cheesy chips and endless cookery programmes. But work calls. Sigh.

Things I'm Loving Right Now

2011-07-19T12:00:00.000+01:00

1. Chardonnay

Normally I'm more of a sauvignon/chenin blanc sort of girl, but after a crisp glass of Chardonnay on holiday I've found myself craving more. So much so that, one day into my post-holiday detox, I headed up to our local Beer & Wine Shop to grab myself a cold bottle, which we promptly enjoyed al fresco with a vegetable curry.

2. Hydrangeas

At Yorkshire Sculpture Park, November 2009

I think this might be it - I think I may have finally found my favourite flower. Just as beautiful when dying as when blooming, with a fantastic variety of rich, sumptuous colours, this unlikely candidate has won my heart, and I've become almost obsessed with them. I find myself peering into gardens in search of the blues and purples that I so love, and I dream of plucking a few stems from my own garden one day to enjoy on the kitchen table.

3. Off-roading

Since my first fell run in June, I've taken most of my runs off the road and onto dirt tracks, which is much more comfortable on the joins as well as being much more of an adventure. Last weekend Daniel and I leapt through Hertfordshire fields and woodlands, sliding down muddy bridleways and edging around boggy corners of fields. A half-hour run turned into a one and a half-hour run, and we arrived back covered in mud and satisfied.

4. My tomato plants

At the risk of 'speaking' too soon, my tomatoes are popping up with vigour, and families of tomtoes are growing steadily in clusters around one another. Some of the bigger ones look ready to burst with green vitality (I'm hoping this means they might turn red soon), while the tiniest ones are still a very mild, pale green, which makes them look meek and shy next to the larger ones. This is my first attempt at growing my own harvest, so even enough for one small salad will satisfy my green-fingered urges.

5. Incense

I am loving the open windows and doors in the house, and the smells of incense and fragrant oils passing from room to room and mingling with the fresh summer air. Rather then stick to one smell in one room, I've been burning a whole variety of scents in different rooms all at once, and it gives a real sense of variety and magic around the house.

6. The smell of rain

Continuing the theme of smells, the rain, which has been in abundance over the weekend, is my favourite smell on earth, and the heavy showers mixed with the previous days' muggy warmth has released a smell of blossom and freshness into the world. The smells before, during and after rain always match my mood before, during and after the rain, and in summer this is at its most obvious. It's wonderful.

Moments, XI

2011-07-17T21:18:00.000+01:00

A weekend that didn't quite go to plan, which much like a row of falling dominoes, had a knock-on effect that stretched right out to this moment here: me, sitting on the couch with a mug of tea after soup and a bubble bath, writing my blog; finishing the weekend in the same way I finish most weekends.

Trying to cycle to Whitby in torrential rain, water scratching my eyes as if it were sand,
Water gushing down the roads, overflowing the drains, making the hard decision to turn back too early,
A disappointed train ride with numb hands and shivering shoulders, finding warmth and comfort in an uneaten peanut butter sandwich,
A hot shower and hot soup, listening to Saturday afternoon radio in the kitchen,
A satisfying spring clean; clean linen, open windows and a new scent of jasmine in my oil lamp,
Meeting friends for a backyard barbeque, sharing news and stories, talking into the night,
Walking home in the early hours with a bright moon overhead, the river still and peaceful in the night,
Chunky porridge and Cerys Matthew's Sunday Breakfast show, large mugs of tea and a wonderful lazy morning,
Baking happily in the kitchen, a new creation which ended up a roaring success!
Running steadily in the rain, sliding through mud and enjoying my breathlessness,
Bubble bath, soup and ironing; the comfort of routine after three weekends of busyness.

Me at the Moment

2011-07-13T20:42:00.000+01:00

Apologies for the silence. I was at a wedding over the weekend and other than that I have been exhausted and uninspired.

Right now I am lacking in and missing creativity. In the kitchen, in my notebook, even at work.

Work is currently crazy, and with the added aftermath of a whole week off I am finding myself drowning in tasks.

At the moment I am reading a fantastic book - 'On Beauty' by Zadie Smith. I'm wrapped up in its quirky style, the characters and the fantastic themes that dip and re-surface so subtly.

At the moment I am both fearing and hurrying along some massive changes. Changes that will literally rock us right out of our familiar lifestyles and land us somewhere totally new, and totally different.

Recently I have been making massive plans for the coming few years. Thoughts that sprung into my head unexpectedly during a delightful morning walk are looking more and more solid every day, and the plan I thought I had is no longer the plan. This is good news.

Lately I have been crying a lot. I'm not a cryer, I usually just love a really good, hard cry every now and then. But lately the tears flow inappropriately and whenever I let my mind wander even slightly in one direction. I think this signifies a shift between stages of grief, and so I'm letting the tears fall.